By Debbie Harrower
When are you going to get married?
Gosh! Can people stop asking already? This question and “when are you going to have children?” are possibly two of the worst questions you can ask a woman – especially if she is in her thirties, single and her biological clock is ticking away like crazy.
I am in a relationship that is only just going on two years and people (friends and family) can’t help themselves from bringing up the big M and C words. Yes, I will be 34 this year and yes, I want children (sometimes desperately) and I obviously know I only have a few ‘fertile years’ left but I can’t rush life along. In a perfect world I would have been married at 28 with two children by now but that was just not the way my story was meant to go.
There are however, women out there who are standing in their own way of happiness.
We have to make peace with the pace of our life. Worrying about the why, when and who is not going to make things happen any faster.
You are dating the wrong men
Stop giving your time and attention to any man who does not show you (every day and in every way) that he is 100% into you and your relationship.
A bad boy is not going to change.
Dating a married man? Girl, he has a wife already – he’s not going to leave her and marry you. He’s just having fun with you.
If he cheated once – he WILL cheat again. Get out of this mess – would you really want a life with no trust?
If he treats you like a booty call – that’s exactly what you are. Don’t expect commitment from this man.
You are with someone who has commitment issues
If you have been with a guy for a number of years and he still hasn’t said a word about a future with you, or he simply avoids those types of conversations – you have a commitment phobe on your hands.
Men like this rarely change. If you want to stick around and live in hope, that is your choice, but, I can guarantee you will be filled with a little more resentment with each month and each year that passes by.
You will see all your friends getting engaged, getting married and having children and you will still be sitting around – hoping and dreaming about the day your man makes your dreams come true.
He is not going to. Be brave and strong enough to make your own dreams come true. The first step? Walking away from Mr. Never is going to be the right thing to do.
You’ve become jaded and bitter over the years
After one too many heartbreaks and also seeing your friends getting hurt over the years, it’s very easy to become jaded by love.
When I came out of my 10-year relationship, I was convinced that ALL men cheat sooner or later. I felt that I would never be able to trust again and I certainly would not allow myself to love very deeply ever again.
I built walls – with electric fences and alarm systems around me. I was cold and aloof with men. No matter what, I just could not help feeling numb and detached.
There are only two bits of advice that I can share with you.
1. Not all men are the same. There are some really good ones out there.
2. Those good ones are not going to be charmed by your bitterness. Let it go.