Crushes. Everyone has them, starting from that little boy at school who carried lunch in a cool Spiderman lunchbox to that handsome/ pretty 13 year old who you tried desperately to get attention from. Some of us have sadly, never been able to get over our crushes, while the fortunate ones already forgot they existed. But what happens when you get a ‘grown-up’ crush? I’ll tell you that dealing with such a silly situation can be emotionally drenching as it is time consuming. But I don’t think we can call them crushes, it’s more like a ‘consuming’ want and ‘need’ to be with this person like every second of the day (not stalking). Lets try and break this down.
The first thing you have to admit and confirm to yourself is whether this other person acknowledges your existence.
have you been friend zoned? sex zoned? business zoned? shopping-buddy zoned? study-buddy zoned?
Have you met before? Do they remotely know you? Have you had more than one conversation with them? Do they know your name? If you answered yes to these questions, then we are definitely together.if you didn’t, you need to quietly show yourself out of this post, you probably don’t stand a chance (reality).
Good… now that we have gotten rid of the ‘masses’ we can go on. The next step will help evaluate your self-worth. Are they responsive to you ‘in that way?’ This is the real problem here. Of late I have been listening to many people who try to impress their ‘crushes’ but to no avail. It will be good to be a little more keen on the signs.There are no two ways about it, either you are in the hoop or not. Behaviors do tell a lot and may be able to give you an indication of whether to give up or to trudge on –have you been friend zoned? sex zoned? business zoned? shopping-buddy zoned? study-buddy zoned?
Find out quickly and try not to cry when the results come out. You are better off without them anyways.
I see the crowd is getting smaller now. For the remaining ones, what to now work on is the response. Trust me, getting people to respond effectively is not the easiest job in the world. You need strength, patience, and maybe a shot gun…well…not really. But you get what I mean. When people know that you really like them, either they will:
b) Ignore you
c) Use your fragile emotions and take advantage of you, later leaving you for dead (emotionally)
d) Feel the same and will take it to the next level
If (d) happens to you, count yourself as the ‘chosen one’. Some will get (b) and (c) but majority are the ones that will get (a).
Now (a) are the most annoying ones because they have a choice of putting you off your misery but will not, because they can. My advice will be to always put yourself FIRST. remember you also have something to put on the table besides your adoring love so do not accept to be taken for a ride. Learn to separate your emotions from reality by using your head. It’s not easy because your heart will keep on overriding your better judgment but do not let that happen. Always be confident enough to have a boundary line because it’s what will protect you from the bitter disappointment. You can chase as much as you like but set yourself a target kilometer and know when to call it quits. Wouldn’t it be a disappointment if you came to find out you were only chasing air? an empty space of nothingness?
(b) and (c) you are better off happy alone! I always believe in the cliche and now Jeannette-modified-statement: If you love something, set it free, if it comes back, shoot it in the leg and keep it captive . A little consolation prize for the hard work you put in.
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