How guy friends side-step an idiot boyfriend

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Ladies, there’s a secret that most men just aren’t telling you. It runs especially prevalent among your “guy friends”, including the ones that you’ve known for years and who know about that thing you did on the coast that one time (it’s the reason you don’t drink rum anymore).

Here is the reality: a lot of those acts of “kindness” are really just ways to side step your current boyfriend and your blouse. It’s the truth, like it or not, and one that needs to be circulated.

So, how can you tell that this is actively happening? There are tons of different ways; sometimes ones that will seem so obvious that you may smack yourself in the forehead (try not to cause a scene in the office when you do this). However, there is one tried and true method that all pseudo-intelligent dudes go to.

What’s the sign?

Ask yourself, has that longtime dreamboat you’ve been seeing recently swung into rocky waters? If it has, this is the time when a friend is suddenly knocking on your door pretending he hasn’t heard anything (he has).

Sure as the sun is in the sky, there are going to be some loaded questions shooting your way. These will be aimed at “stumbling” upon the truth, and he’ll go about it with more determination than Indiana Jones scouring for mystical artifacts.

Be sure to watch the guy friend’s reaction when you do let fly that you are:

  1. Now single
  2. Questioning if the man in your life is cheating
  3. Considering breaking it off

That was a glimmer of a grin that you just saw. This guy friend will hide it quickly with an over the top “Oh no! That’s horrible! How can I cheer you up?”

Therein Lies the Rub

The cheering can take a lot of forms, but the formula is something like this.

First: The “discovery” of the issue.

Second: An intensive, multiple-hour conversation dissecting what went wrong; it’ll sound like he’s hearing both sides but truly it’s a systematic destruction of all possible acts of idiocy committed by the idiot boyfriend/kind of ex-boyfriend/guy-who-will-soon-walk-in-on-you

Finally: This clever man will sure as sun rises say, “This is ridiculous! Let’s grab some drinks and forget all about it!”

From there it’s all gravy for him. Listen, if it floats your boat, that shoulder to cry on can easily become a lap to sit on; besides, he was kept in that platonic region of limbo for too long as it is.

 

 

Cap3

Alex Roberts is a journalist, all out writing addict and part time party-goer.  He’s been running up and down Nairobi for years getting a taste for just about anything in this town and keeps strangely finding new things about it.

My email that people can harass and harangue me at is [email protected]

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