Fashion crimes (part 1)

Have you ever looked at an old photo of yourself and cringed!! because you looked so ghastly? I have seen some pics of myself and was like “what the hell was I thinking???” Fashion crimes galore! Too much bad make-up, bad hair, horrible pants, too tight for air circulation top, a dress that made you look like an old bag…get it? Worst part is that at the time no one told you looked whack!

It’s not only in photos that you relive those horror memories. When re-arranging your wardrobe you may bump into a clothing item (those asymmetrical tops and plaid pants) and for a minute you wonder who planted it there and why the hell someone would do that to you before it actually dawns on you that you actually not only bought that hideous item but loved it very much at some point in your life.

I‘m not a fashion police, but I see so many fashion crimes that make me cringe on behalf of the offenders. To help us all avoid recoiling in horror in the future for our fashion crimes let me share some offenses with you so that you can at least avoid. Repeat offenses are just, well, lame!

PS; These fashion crimes are universal

*Showing too much skin. Even if you have the hottest body ever! people are still going to liken you to a pole dancer.

Wearing a mono color suit  (eg all black) with white/brown shoes. Wearing brown and white shoes has always been a tricky affair. If you have to wear brown shoes, make sure you have another color on you. Like if you want to pair them with a black suit make sure there’s at least some white on you. It is wrong to wear for example a black blazer, black shirt, black tie, black pants and brown shoes… at least let the shirt or tie have a different color.

Wearing short shorts and you are the mother of cellulite. You have to note that there are clothes that are meant for specific people. There are clothes for skinny people, plus size people, people with nice long legs, people with a big derriere and so forth. Hence, please leave the short shorts for the lucky cellulite free sisters, it just looks bad when you insist and clearly you are just embarrassing yourself. Everyone will just be pointing at the cellulite. And remember really skinny people can have cellulite too, so if you have visible cellulite on your thighs keep away from the micro short stuff or wear stockings which will help hide the cellulite.

Of stockings– Do you own those pretty lacy stockings with huge, bold flower detail? Well, don’t wear those to work! Leave those for the club or non-official events. When it comes to official wear, the plainer the stockings the better.

It is not a secret that clothes that are too tight do more harm than good. Besides cutting you air circulation, they make you quite uncomfortable.  It is a given that pants that are too tight will give you a very pronounced camel toe. Don’t jump up with joy that some small sized pair of pants you’ve had for ages  finally zipped up…watch out for that embarrassing camel toe.

Also, if you are wearing leggings, ensure that you wear undies or don’t put on the really tight ones. Otherwise you’ll look like Kim K –——–>

On the other hand, clothes that are too baggy make you look shapeless! Like you are wearing a sack or worse yet like a bag lady so avoid.

Don’t mix vibes. This means don’t for example mix Sporty with dressy. Go for one specific look. Don’t wear a sporty outfit and then carry a very dressy purse or vice versa.

Wearing all the colors of the rainbow at once. Even if it is color blocking….you will just end up looking like the rainbow spat on you.

Don’t wear ruffles head to toe. If you have on a top with ruffles, keep the skirt plain and simple and vice versa. Otherwise you’ll look ruffled or like Big Bird from Sesame Street.

Wearing worn out clothes. Even clothes have an expiry date. Wearing clothes that are torn or are discolored or have sweat stains under the armpits goes to show how much you really don’t take care of yourself plus you will just end up looking beat and tired.

Wearing too many trends at once. Looking around for what’s hot and wearing everything just because you have them. Like wearing a vintage shirt with buffed up shoulders, with a fedora hat, a bow tie, boyfriend jeans, brogues, a snood, oversize sunglasses and  half gloves and then you carry an oversize handbag (I just got tired picturing it)…You will just look wrong. This equals a beautiful mess and you score a FAIL!!

Wearing a shirt dress sans leggings/pants. You just look like you forgot your pants at home!


Avoid dull colors if you are dark. There are very many bright colors that dark people can pull off. If you wear blacks, browns and jungle greens throughout, no one will see you…you sort of disappear!

Underwear horrors

Sheer top and white bra combo. This spells horror! Try maybe a nude bra if you have to wear a white or sheer  top…it won’t show much which is better than showing your bra to the whole world.

Showing off your entire bra. Hmm…bra is underwear! Which should remain underneath the clothes.

Going bra-less and you are over 40. Gravity has probably taken its toll on your body so even if you feel that your (natural) breasts still look young and perky; just wear a bra especially if you are wearing a strappy number.

Nobody wants to see those unsightly panty lines anymore!  Perhaps you’ve heard of something called spanx? Invest in a couple of pairs and avoid those embarrassing panty lines.

The only place you can show your bra to the public  is in form of a bikini top and this should be at the beach or at the swimming pool or if you are being paid big bucks to shoot an advert.




Sagging your pants. People who sag their pants look like something is not right inside those pants plus who really wants to see your undies and butt crack??

Can you think of other fashion crimes?



Beauty crimes coming up soon

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