September 29, 2010 – This is an open letter to all the Kenyan women who are just about to give up on Kenyan men. For those of you who have already given up –you’re on your own! There are some good men out there who don’t have girlfriends.

Forget those nay sayers who tell you that you have set your sights too high. That there is no such thing as the ideal man especially not in Kenya! What do they know? You know though! That’s why you haven’t given up hope. He is out there!

No. That wasn’t your cue to look out the window. The blame game has been on for a minute though! Hasn’t it? Men blame mills and boons and those infernal Spanish soaps for filling women’s heads with all that daptrap. Women heap their considerable angst on a plethora of scapegoats. The usual suspects are in no particular order; football, playstation, your car, the local, your meddling mum et cetera.

Here is what I know about good men in Kenya. He doesn’t neglect you altogether. Not even when he is watching the game. He makes sure you are still there and not too bored by sending you on beer runs. See? He is involving you in his interests! Good man.

When your girlfriends show up unexpectedly he meekly saunters off to the local giving you your own space just as you asked! And because he forgot his keys at the pub he will call you on your cell to open the door because the bell will wake the neighbours! See?  He is considerate! Good man.

You keep talking about tightening our budget so the local is as good a place as any to catch some pints. Hell they even put out candles! You know he is faithful because he doesn’t know what state the ladies are in! Besides home is just around the corner “go “there! See? Resourceful and faithful! Good man.

Why should you care that his mom comes round to pick and drop his laundry? It means you don’t have to do it! Thoughtful. So what if she has her own key? Why were you walking around nude during the day! Moral good man! She doesn’t bring dinner because we are always eating out. Neither of you cook, mani-pedis notwithstanding microwaving is not cooking.

You said you wanted to get out of town and he has a burial to attend in Nyahururu.Coming? See? Attentive. Good man.

Seriously though, chances are that you have come so close to your ideal man you could taste it. And taste it you did! You even put him to the test. Tired of trying you found him wanting and kicked him to the curb.

Chances are that your ideal man is the last person you would think of .You did think about it once but it came to nought.Now that you think about it you know who am talking about right! He likes your pals, they tolerate him, finishes your sentences, laughs at your jokes, taught you how to play pool, buys you drinks when you’re broke, fixes your aerial ,kitchen sink ,you know that guy who really gets you! Sure you don’t know that guy?

You haven’t really thought about dating because you don’t want to loose him as a friend .But one day you ask yourself” what if?”.Then it’s on like donkey Kong. This good guy will never measure up because in as much as you are compatible he treated you well when you were just friends .You now want to be treated better as his woman. You forget that all the usual dating protocols are out the window.

The minute you start dating a friend you unwittingly forfeit the honeymoon phase of the relationship. Think of it this way.

The impressing you bit is already done. You always met him at the local anyway. You are his de facto escort to all his social events. You know where the fridge is and how he likes his drinks. You’ve probably met his mum who thinks you have been an item all this time (or hoping). Besides you are the only woman he lets anywhere near his car .He trusts you. So Nyahururu here we come! He is probably too blazed to drive anyway!

Your ideal mate might be a diamond in the ruff but he can be polished, cut and set not just to fit but to sparkle on your arm. Relationships are hard work and diamonds are notoriously hard materials to work with but aren’t they a girls best friend? .Just think about that before you give up on all those clueless but inherently good men out there. Now that was your cue to look out the window.

 

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