(By S. Munyua) For a significant amount of time, the institution of Marriage has been under attack from the “New Age” School of thinking that believes that there is no point of getting married because as a single person you can still get everything that a married person gets in a marriage if not more.
Most people in this school of thought believe that getting married is expensive, invasive and does not leave any room for error. So to play safe, they prefer to stay single and have a Come- We- Stay kind of arrangement, a simple fling or an everlasting relationship with no intention of ever exchanging nuptial vows à la Oprah and Steadman.
Let me play the Devil’s advocate for a moment and see things from their point of view. Why would you get married if you can get everything that you get in a marriage minus the lifelong commitment? If it’s emotional compatibility you are looking for, you can get it, if its exclusivity; you can get it, if its sex you are looking for, you will get more of it when you are single than when you are married, if its financial stability, you can get it and to some extent, procreation; (though this is debatable).
Leaving a marriage isn’t as easy as one might think. There are a few elements like having to explain yourself to your parents, friends and relatives, relinquishing half your property in the event of a divorce etc.
‘Marriage phobia’ is making many people control freaks.
While married you have to contend with not having any personal space anymore, the re-introduction of curfews, not having the freedom to decide where you can go whenever you want, new dress codes, and simply not being able to just bring home someone you met on the ‘rave’…let’s just say it’s like being back in your parents house all over again. The only difference is that this time you are the one paying rent and all the bills.
We are beginning to see certain tendencies repeating themselves and are slowly becoming the norm. For those who do make it to the altar, they seem to want to ensure that they are always in control of the relationship. They “protect themselves” and can call quits whenever they feel threatened or whenever they want without necessarily getting hurt. Instead of sorting out ‘issues’ or looking for appropriate solutions to the differences that couples might have, they choose to split especially if there are no kids involved.