To Marry or Not to Marry? That’s the new big question!

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(By S. Munyua) For a significant amount of time, the institution of Marriage has been under attack from the “New Age” School of thinking that believes that there is no point of getting married because as a single person you can still get everything that a married person gets in a marriage if not more.

Most people in this school of thought believe that getting married is expensive, invasive and does not leave any room for error. So to play safe, they prefer to stay single and have a Come- We- Stay kind of arrangement, a simple fling or an everlasting relationship with no intention of ever exchanging nuptial vows à la Oprah and Steadman.

Let me play the Devil’s advocate for a moment and see things from their point of view. Why would you get married if you can get everything that you get in a marriage minus the lifelong commitment? If it’s emotional compatibility you are looking for, you can get it, if its exclusivity; you can get it, if its sex you are looking for, you will get more of it when you are single than when you are married, if its financial stability, you can get it and to some extent, procreation; (though this is debatable).

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Leaving a marriage isn’t as easy as one might think. There are a few elements like having to explain yourself to your parents, friends and relatives, relinquishing half your property in the event of a divorce etc.

‘Marriage phobia’ is making many people control freaks.

While married you have to contend with not having any personal space anymore, the re-introduction of curfews, not having the freedom to decide where you can go whenever you want, new dress codes, and simply not being able to just bring home someone you met on the ‘rave’…let’s just say it’s like being back in your parents house all over again. The only difference is that this time you are the one paying rent and all the bills.

We are beginning to see certain tendencies repeating themselves and are slowly becoming the norm. For those who do make it to the altar, they seem to want to ensure that they are always in control of the relationship. They “protect themselves” and can call quits whenever they feel threatened or whenever they want without necessarily getting hurt. Instead of sorting out ‘issues’ or looking for appropriate solutions to the differences that couples might have, they choose to split especially if there are no kids involved.

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  • Brikenyan

    Pray please tell which marriages are these that come with a change of dress code? None of my friends married home and abroad in the last five years changed their dress code the only time the females had to was when they were pregnant. i think marriage is a noble institution that has since time immerial been abused the wealthy force their kids to marry each other in the name of merging business, the European royals and aristocrats are notorious for marrying for all the wrong reason, whether it is to acquire a title or a country, big name families all over the world rarely marry outsiders so if you a big name and fall in love with a commoner it is highly unlikely your folks will bless the marriage. I think if two people are genuinely in love and want to share the rest of their lives together then they should get married, but marrying for titles, wealth, etc is a recipe for disaster you may probably never be happy and look for that happiness elsewhere the rate of divorce these days is high enough and all these big name family couples who married for the wrong reasons stick it out to save face i would rather be single than in a loveless marriage i just can’t!

    • Brikenyan

      *immemorial*

      • kawawa

        but you are the only one who can set the difference between fact and fiction

      • Watchdog

        Thanks my friend, you noticed the nitty-gritty!

  • joshua

    i agree 100% marriage is a hell prison maybe customary where you marry and separate under customary law otherwise alter thing is crap

  • clara

    the writer should have nailed the reason for single-hood preference on the head rather than giving us excuses – those are excuses. it is basically that roles of a modern woman have largely changed in the today’s society- where modernity has ensured women can be leaders, become breadwinners and make family decisions-yet the modern man is still groomed on our forefather’s family values; that, right there generate conflict as modern man and woman are on different wavelength. when women were housekeepers, men breadwinners, there was harmony in marriage, now everyone are on the same level and so our traditions, religious doctrine and family as we new them no-longer guide marriages. my two cents.

  • FYI there are more seperated, divorced and single people in the UK than there are married people and in China as well.

    The marriage age has gone up from 23yrs (10yrs ago) to 31 in Japan, and thats just for women. Oh! and they have more single, seperated and divorced ple than there are married people. That will be the case in the states in the next 10 yrs.. ie more single, seperated, divorced and co-parenting people than there are otherwise, however in ethnic groupings there.. the former are more prevalent than married in both black/ african groups and latin american groups. So I’m stumped where you get your information.. because its quite apparent..(google is ur bff) that you cant back this statement up ” there would be more separated and divorced people than married people.” – all over the world.

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