We associate the holidays with family and friends coming together for connections and celebration. But sometimes the season of cheer does not feel very cheerful. Between shopping, cooking, travel and taking time off work, things get stressful.
With the holiday pressure, the expectations and the chaos of the holidays, it makes sense that this time of the year could take a toll on you and your partner.
In this post we will cover some common problems couples face around the holidays, so you can avoid them because no one wants to sleep on the couch come Christmas Eve.
The In-laws
Family is a major part of the holiday traditions and during this season we hope to have mutual civility with your partner’s family but this may be difficult to achieve when they’re not too fond of you or vice versa. In these circumstances, we recommend setting pre-established boundaries with your partner. For examples, if one of your in-laws drinks a little too much and begins to bad mouth your partner, it’s okay to let them know that this is not okay and you will not partake in that type of conversation. Additionally, it’s important to let your partner know how they can support you. For example, you can establish a check in method with each other, maybe after 40 minutes; you send a text to each other to ask if they’re okay.
Gift Giving
Gift giving is meant to bring joy to both the receiver and giver but it can become a source of tension in relationships especially when partners have differing love languages. Misaligned expectations- such as one partner desiring extravagant meaningful gifts while the other one prefers simplicity- can lead to feelings of disappointment and resentment. You may have experienced the following, someone complained because one person got a better gift than the other, the gift is too impersonal or lacks thought or that the gifts were out of budget. To end this cycle, mutually set the budget ahead of time with your partner and explain to your partner what is important to you and you might give him/her ideas so that they follow through with a gift you truly treasure and turn gift giving into an expression of love rather than a point of contention.
Money Fights
Money issues are one of the most common fights in a relationship and the holidays can create even more stress and fights about the money. People tend to spend more during the holidays to travel, buy gifts or throw elaborate parties and Sherehes and this can reveal differences in beliefs and values about money that normally don’t come out. If you’re feeling anxious about money, talk to your partner and try to see if you’re seeing eye to eye about spending.
Holiday Traditions
If you’re in a new relationship, then there’s a very good chance that you and your partner will argue over traditions. Coming together as a couple especially if you’re interfaith or a blended
family, can become complicated and disagreements can arise. For instance deciding whose family to visit during the holiday, or whether to split time between multiple households can create stress and these disagreements can also extend to certain activities such as whether to attend certain religious activities, host a holiday party or participate in certain customs. Also social media comparison can fuel dissatisfaction as one partner may perceive their traditions or celebrations as inadequate compared to others. Talk as a couple about what holiday traditions you want to keep, be flexible as a couple and allow room for each partner to continue certain holiday tradition.
The Sex Issue
Another common issue couples face during the holiday season is disagreement about intimacy as the demands of family gatherings, travel can leave couples feeling disconnected. One partner can feel neglected, while the other may feel too overwhelmed or too exhausted to prioritize sex. To address this, couples could try to carve out intentional time for each other to reignite emotional and sexual closeness, ultimately easing holiday tension.
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While the holiday arguments are common, they don’t have to ruin the season. It’s not always easy to stay calm amidst holiday chaos but you can avoid conflict and keep traditions on track by making a few changes. Take time to focus on your relationship and remember what really matters.
