Of perfect Break-up cures…

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I have written before about that elusive hangover cure. That is still very much a work in progress. It had to go to the back burner as I tackled another problem; urgent and inescapable. Like most normal human beings I have a bunch of mistakes that I put down to “the folly of youth”. One of those has invariably been looking for solutions to my problems at the bottom of a bottle. Preferably brown but occasionally startlingly and deceptively clear at first glance.

Luckily I figured out quite early that unless it’s celebratory, the bottle will only compound the original sin in due course. It is the gateway to further temptation that is almost always inevitable due to a lessening of fortitude to fight back our more primal urges. It also leads to wastage of time on trivial pursuits like finding hangover cures. Nevertheless I found myself brooding over a frothy white cap at The Orchid Lounge. I was not looking for the solution at that point but trying to understand why I felt so conflicted about it.

I was planning to break up with the woman I have been dating. Yet it was not going to be unpleasant or acrimonious. We both knew it was over. It was just a matter of who would bring it up first. I had decided to man up and throw myself on the sword, bite the bullet and all that. I was meeting up with her at “Blanco’s Sports Grill” later; I was gathering the Dutch variety of courage. In the end we thrashed it out over tequila and vodka shots. It was very civil. So why was I feeling like I had been run over by a train?

I think the largest mistake anyone can make is to try dating a saleswoman. Especially one in the financial services industry. They are usually a work of art in terms of presentation. That is because unlike other women they are predatory in nature. They enjoy the chase. They are particularly good at laying in wait then pouncing at the opportune time. That is why they are successful at what they do, which translates to beautiful, charming, and rich. A lethal combination when you throw in controlling and narcissistic which they almost always are.

It was only a matter of time before I ran into one for two reasons. In my line of work I meet them all the time. And two as a writer I am always on the lookout for a good muse. In most cases my muse is music, depending on whether I am writing a report for work or a poem or a blog post or just throwing sentences together for the sake of it. But occasionally I stumble upon imperfection at its best or the opposite from my usual warped perspective. I have always been drawn to strong characters which is why I will never date a woman who is a shrink. I am not sure if our pillow talk would always result in round two or me bawling into a pillow.

Anyway back to the subject at hand sorry about that slight detour. I have always gone overboard in my infatuations and this was no different. However we got to the point where we both knew the damn relationship was on its death bed. But I could not help feeling a little melancholic. So I decided to go through the motions of getting pissed, getting laid and getting laid in that order. While it is not a sure fire break up hangover cure it does have its merits. Not much therapeutic value but it has its “high” points.

So now I am back in the game and looking for that “New girlfriend smell” and the inevitable break up that will come with it. Yet something tells me that this girlfriend experience is not worth all the trouble is it? I think that ultimately the break up cure for the ages is anticipating the break up and yearning for it as part of the complete girlfriend experience. My friend Jackson Biko wrote sometime back  that men fall in love only once. They will have flings, affairs, get infatuated, numerous one night stands and getting “fungwad” et al.

If that is the case, and that great love has come and gone, is it actually a break up and does it need a cure?

 

 

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