A Break up -Straight up

FB_984535787.jpgI was on Facebook one night; idling and mulling over strangers’ trivial status updates wondering how any of this was adding value to my life. Somewhere between that and declaring that I ‘like’ Susan’s post regarding what not to do on a first date, a long lost acquaintance began to chat with me. Of course my first instinct was to log off and pretend I hadn’t read the chat message but then I realised it was only ten o’clock and I had nothing better to do.

“Hey, wsup” he asked casually.

Let’s see…should I actually answer the question or keep things politically correct?

“Not much, same old; work and ish”

I replied hoping to channel the conversation towards a brief session of clichés. He went on to tell me about his latest business ventures, all of which I feigned interest in by responding with simple words like “Wow” and “Good stuff”. That was until he delved into a topic that actually interested me; he began to talk about me!

“So I heard you and *Ex-boyfriend* broke up?”

Now how in the hell does HE know? I thought to myself… it’s only been two weeks! All I could manage to come up with:

“Well, yeah, I mean, I guess…Im not sure…it’s kind of a long story”

The truth was, my ex and I never formally broke up. We went on a much needed, yet indefinite break. But judging by his two-week silence and the fact that my spies had reported seeing him out with other women several times over the course of that period, I was now making peace with the fact that a break merely precedes a break up.

The words ‘I think we need a break’ are synonymous with a lot of things; all of which we’d rather not hear too often. Its like when we approach a guy in a fit of repressed emotion and blurt out that ‘We need to talk’. Usually not well received. In fact either of these messages are worse received when submitted electronically; either via email, Facebook message, or even via SMS. Now this all kind of sounds like common sense until you find yourself in a relationship so volatile that face to face conversations often bear the same side effects as a suspicious new drug unauthorized by the FDA: These conversations may result in: irritability, headache, fever, nausea, vomiting, dizziness and brief fainting spells. Frequent_conflict_will_send_a_relationship_into_Time_Out_557052882.jpg

I know that may sound extreme, but about a month ago I was in a relationship in which the arguments outweighed the moments of general agreement. And contrary to what R&B songs have to say about fighting then making up, the make-up sex didn’t make it all worthwhile in the end. My nerves would often be too frayed to enjoy the physical consolation, and as a woman, its just unnatural for me to forget an offence that quickly. The constant emotional strain of frequent conflict will send a relationship into Time-Out quicker than a repeat foul in a sporting event.

Even with my limited knowledge of psychology I could almost always trace the root of our fights to the same issue; there was no trust in the relationship. Yet for the sake of being in one, I found myself apologising for the all-too common altercations (even if I hadn’t started the fight) just to abate the amount of conflict I would have to endure. Though they often started out heated and extremely intense, I would do my best to shorten the length of each argument leaving pent-up anger bubbling in the depths of my psyche.

So you see why I needed a break.  I needed to get my thoughts in order, examine the root of all the strife and figure out whether what I was enduring was really worth it. We were only one month into the relationship, and I figured if this was something worth pursuing long term then re-evaluating things early on was the right thing to do. So I sent that dreaded text message asking for a break.. and followed it up with several more, requesting a face-to-face conversation after realizing what I had just done. I say several because, after the spiteful reply I had gotten from the first text, I knew I had just landed myself in a royal mess.
Needless to say, I was never granted the conversation to clear things up. As I came to learn, a big ego is easily bruised, and there is little one can do to rectify it. So I sat back and watched as my exe’s status updates on facebook became bitter and vindictive. I also took heed to word on the street, as the grapevine continued to provide me with the verdict on my relationship: it was over.

“You still there?”

A tiny red square lights up at the bottom of my screen as I remember the chat conversation that had sent my mind on this journey to tracing what went wrong in my relationship.

“Yeah, still here. Didn’t think this thing with *Ex boyfriend* would be over so soon but I think its for the best. Gtg*. Have a gnite”

I reply and promptly log off. I stare at the screen for a few minutes satisfied by the fact that, earlier that night, I had had enough courage to remove my ex from my Facebook friends.

In one seemingly unproductive evening, I had managed to plunge into enough self-examination to accept the reality of my break slash break up. I had stopped at the flashing red lights, paid the toll and was now entering the free-ranging domain of the single life once more. This wasn’t a break headed to a make up. It was a break up; straight up.

*Got to go


Mutinda is a 24 year old sexy single lady trying to survive in the city. A self-proclaimed independent hustler, her newly adopted philosophy on men is to wait till the right breed of manhood finds her. Not to sweep her off her feet, but to walk beside her while trying to keep up with the pace set by her stilettos.


http://jmutindasfactory.blogspot.com

“But through life and learning
Strife and yearning
I remain only one
Aiming straight ahead like the barrel of a gun”

–Mutinda–


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47 Comments

  1. Avatar Sheila Nelima February 1st, 2012 at 6:57 pm

    Hi, my name is Sheila, am celebrating valentines with my 2yr old son. He is special, has brought meaning, purpose and motivation into my life. After a long day at work, just seeing him takes away all the turmoil. He decorates my life 🙂

    Reply
  2. Avatar Joekaimba February 1st, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    Hello, i am Joseph Kariuki am celebrating valentines with my sweetheart Victoria. She has always been very special to me because she will always be on my  side even at this tough economic time. I really love and I’d love to surprise her this valentine with FANTA.

    Reply
  3. Avatar Robert February 1st, 2012 at 8:35 pm

    I am Robert Morogo. I will be celebrating Valentines with my mother this time round because she has been my greatest pillar for the past year, and for such unending Love and Support, she deserves a special celebration in this month of LOVE!!!

    Reply
  4. Avatar Karanjafrank February 1st, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    wassup, ma name is Frank karanja n would luv to hav a nyc valentine. It is the perfect excuse to come clean about your secret crush with some gal[Emmah]

    Reply
  5. Avatar Lynnkay47 February 1st, 2012 at 8:51 pm

    Hi!am linet and am gonna be celebrating my valentine with my one and only sweetheart Philip.this one being our third valentine together would want to bring back that feeling of togetherness as if we are only beggining the relationship.i would also love take the opportunity to directly express all what is in my hear one on one rather than via text and also get to know what he feels about me too.i pray and wish that the day turns out so well for both of us as we continue with our journey on the same boat of love

    0720525044

    Reply
  6. Avatar Eric Nyamweya February 2nd, 2012 at 5:01 am

    Hi!I am Eric and I will b celebrating valentine with my one and only swthrt Viola.This is our first valentine together and its my wish and prayer that I make it very memorable to her but am tarmacking and there4 financially crippled.I need u guys to bail me out!!
    0724567607

    Reply
  7. Avatar Jackie February 2nd, 2012 at 6:29 am

    Hi  i am Jackie will definately be celebrating my valentine with my sweet hubby Francis though we wont be able to be together during the day because of work i would like it to be extra special
    my husband is very special because he has never let me down,he takes really good care of me and our son and he has never failed to provide no matter what the situation, this would be a good way of showing how much i appreciate everything he has ever done and also show the love i have for him
     Words alone cannot explain it!!
    so please make this day special for us it would do us really good.  

    Reply
  8. Avatar Rafiq Pazi Mshenga February 2nd, 2012 at 7:17 am

    Hi am RALPH MSHENGA, I will be celebrating valentines with four (yes 4) very special ladies in my life i.e. My mum, two daughters and their mother so an Orange Valentines with Fanta would be an ideal treat for the four ladies in mind who are the most precious ladies in my life and always bring joy to my life and yeah they all love pizza!

    Reply
  9. Avatar James Karongo February 2nd, 2012 at 9:59 am

    My Name is James Karongo. I will celebrating my Valentine with my Chic Lyn whom we have dated for the last 2 years. she is special to me because she is so loving, caring, respectful, doesnt take alcohol and very responsible for her age. This will be our 3rd Year together.

    Reply
  10. Avatar Wex February 2nd, 2012 at 10:24 am

    I will be celebrating Valentine’s day with my husband and our son. Almost recovering from January blues but will go down to Coast  the following weekend to make it more special for my husband and I. My husband is the most wonderful man as i have learn a lot from him than i think he has from me as well as more than i thought. He has supported me and given me guidance even in the most tricky of situations, ending up victorious. The most outstanding thing that i remember to date that i will keep close to my heart is how he stood by me when we thought we had lost our baby when i was 36 weeks into the pregnancy. It was our first. Luckily, the boy is alive and will be 2 years in May….on mother’s day. What other gift would any lady ask for in life.

    Reply
  11. Avatar Mutinda Mulei February 2nd, 2012 at 10:27 am

    I am Mulei Mutinda and i wanna celebrate Valentines at my Aunties(Emma Kanini) with her and my cousin. She is so special to me because she often contributed in paying my Campus fees and even before i graduated she got me a job. I really love her.

    Reply
  12. Avatar Michael m. ndung'u February 2nd, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Mike here, valentine will be a special dinner 9 and of course flowers) with my girl friend CAROL, and her small sis( eight year old), they are so close and i wonna make them happy on that day…0722431338

    Reply
  13. Avatar Dunogendi February 2nd, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Am dun ogendi, this Valentine am planning to celebrate with my baby sister, she means a lot to me.  Mostly i want  to treat her for the hard work she does around the house and finding dinner ready when i come from work, just to appreciate her ill not mind that Classic Pizza combo.

    Reply
  14. Avatar Ciku February 2nd, 2012 at 10:42 am

    I am Ciku Kiiru and am celebrating valentines with my boyfriend of 3 years,I want this to be our first real valentines the others we were always apart and never celebrated but looking forward this time around.Ad really love the classic pizza combo for our vals dinner

    Reply
  15. Avatar Sammy Njoroge February 2nd, 2012 at 10:45 am

    Sammy Njoroge here! I will be my girlfriend Eva. On that very day we will be two years to our love and you know not many stick around that long especially with a perfectionist who is always messy!

    Reply
  16. Avatar Baby Daddy February 2nd, 2012 at 11:10 am

    Am Ngige James and I’ll be celebrating my Valentines with my fiancee’ who is the most special girl in my world. Soon we will be have 2 FANTAstic babies and I intend to keep her and the babies bubbling with some FANTA and the 2 large pizzas, 1 for the unborn twins and the other for me n her. So please swing the Orange Valentines with Fanta our way, and be part of our family from the start.

    Reply
  17. Avatar Tille February 2nd, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    I am Tille Muia and i will be celebrating valentines day with my mum and sister, they mean the world to me, and they always put a smile on my face,us Muia girls rock!!! 🙂

    Reply
  18. Avatar James Waititu February 2nd, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    I will be spending my valentines with my childhood bestfriend. Over the past one year shez been through alot with all the drama coz of her parents divorcing, then came her attempted suicide coz of depression. I just want to take her out so that we can have fun & make her 4get everything else 4 a while and make her realize that theres still much to live 4 in this world coz many people love her & care 4 her.
    0731535439

    Reply
  19. Avatar Victor February 2nd, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    Am Victor..I wanna Celebrate this Valentine with my Girlfriend who has been away for 3 years because of school..She is coming to Visit me this Valentine

    Reply
  20. Avatar Fred Komen February 2nd, 2012 at 7:16 pm

    I am Fred Komen and I will be spending Valentines Day this year with my aunt Anne because she has been very supportive and resourceful in almost all my endeavours in the past year. From helping me secure a place in campus & accomodation for the whole period of my studies makes her very Dear and Special to me! She’ll be my Valentine! (0722857976)

    Reply
  21. Avatar Pauline Kamande February 3rd, 2012 at 5:56 am

    I am Pauline Kamande and i plan to spend this valentine’s with my daughter since its a working day and also because my hubby is out of the country working and thus i will send him my gift , but the much love i would have shared with him i will share it with our child as always coz i love them both so much

    Reply
  22. Avatar Valmaish February 3rd, 2012 at 7:14 am

    they call me valentine as the name matches the day. i want to celebrate this day with my boyfriend coz we’v never celebrated any valentines together being together for three years. this will be a great surprise for hm and for me too for our first valentine’s together

    Reply
  23. Avatar Julia Akinyi February 3rd, 2012 at 7:32 am

    Am Julia Akinyi this year i”ll be celebrating valentine day with my daughter Natalia and the dade not ben there for us for the past five monrths but her has finaly accepted us in his life.(0721530289) 

    Reply
  24. Avatar Copy Teki February 3rd, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    Am Alex,I’ll be celebrating my valentine with my lovely sis Janey at greyfish, because she encourages and motivates me always to do my best.Love you dear

    Reply
  25. Avatar Jonathan February 4th, 2012 at 10:13 am

    I am Jonathan,and I’ll be spending Valentine’s Day with my girlfriend Monique.I’m not quite sure how the day will turn out,mainly coz am flat broke and have no job,so you’re prize would go a long way in making that day special for me and my girlfriend.We’re also celebrating our first anniversary on February 19th,so we were thinking we could join up the two days to ease down on the expenses.My girlfriend is so special to me coz I have never met anyone as funny,loving,caring and supportive as her,she hasn’t left my side even with all that am going through right now and I owe her a lot for that.Please award me so that I can show her how much she means to me this Valentine’s.Thanks

    Reply
  26. Avatar Eliuddavis February 4th, 2012 at 10:13 am

    I am Eliud Makhapila i want to celebrate valentine with my beloved wife Jeniffer Chelangat and my 8 months boy Leonel Makhapila they are very special to me because they are loving Mumy and Son Love them.

    Reply
  27. Avatar Gladys Mumbi February 4th, 2012 at 10:13 am

    My name is Gladys Mumbi and i will be celebrating this Valentines with my childhood friend Tabitha Wanjiru.She is my best friend and we have not met for 7 months now because we live  in different towns..We have planned to meet on valentine day in the evening in our home and atleast catch up  because the January blues are still around..

    Reply
  28. Avatar Artsanyo February 4th, 2012 at 10:21 am

    am Denno, wil be celebrating this valentine with Esther my luv. she is so special because she means the world to me, we share everything and most importantly she has always been supportive through the toughest of times

    Reply
  29. Avatar Sheila Waki February 4th, 2012 at 10:40 am

    Hello!My Names are Sheila Waki. (God willing)I will be celebrating my orange valentines day with my dear Husband Tele.It will be our first Valentine’s day as a married couple and due to the fact that he is in school full time,plans to splash may not be possible!all in all whatever the day brings He is forever my valentine and  sharing this with him would be a good memory and reminder that I love him and appreciate everything he does for me!Thank you for the opportunity to try!

    Reply
  30. Avatar Galfen omuse February 4th, 2012 at 10:56 am

    I am Galfen Omuse and i wonna celeb this  day with my girlfriend Eunice Okumu whom we had differences last month i wont to use opportunity to mend the ribbon.

    Reply
  31. Avatar Duny 'Niche' Nyasio February 5th, 2012 at 11:01 am

    HI my name is Duncan Nyasio and I’ll be celebrating Valentines with @Qwinstinn Mckenner because she means the world to me, she has been with me in good and bad times and i really want to make it up to her!!!!

    Reply
  32. Avatar Jmbayagi February 6th, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    My name is Jacque Lungahi, i will be spending my valentine’s at home with my dad-in law in Ugenya…ever since mum-in law passed  on last year i can only imagine that hes been very lonely…so we are travelling there with my hubby and my son….we leave on saturday….

    Reply
  33. Avatar Joshua karegi February 6th, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    Hi, my name is Joshua Mwangi and i want to celebrate this valentines day with my uncle and aunt (Nahashon and Gladys Macharia) This is because they helped me through my college life giving me shelter and food and the time to do my projects. I love them so much and i havent gotten a way to say thank you to them. I am looking forward to this valentines to do that so, please fanta, make my valentines. I love fanta!

    Reply
  34. Avatar Julia Akinyi February 7th, 2012 at 8:35 am

    Julia Akinyi
    This valentines day i will spend with my daughter Natalia and the dad Donald, who has not been there for us since she was born but has accepted responsibility now.
     

    Reply
  35. Avatar Jdnana2003 February 7th, 2012 at 10:56 am

    Hi.. My name is Florence Njagi and I want to celebrate my valentines with my husband.. He is special to me because since the birth of our daughter 10 months ago he has patiently been by my side even when I was going crazy and did not seem to know what I was doing.. I just want to remind him that despite having a baby he is also very very important to me.

    Reply
  36. Avatar Shiru K February 8th, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    Am Shiru and will be celebrating Valentines day with my boyfriend. We have been going out for 6 months now and we are in a long distance relationship but we plan to make time and see each other on the 14th. Fanta will make it better if i could win the voucher 🙂

    Reply
  37. Avatar Muthoningash February 9th, 2012 at 7:53 am

    Hi am Carol and i would like to celebrate this Valentines with my mom. She’s been such an inspiration to me and i want to thank her for the way she’s molded me to the person i am today.However, am extremely broke as i had to pay for my siblings school fees and am sure a gift hamper from Fanta will go a long way to treating my mum.

    Reply
  38. Avatar James Karongo February 9th, 2012 at 11:45 am

    My Name is James Karongo. I will celebrate this Valentine with Girl Friend whom we have not been in good terms the last One Month. We plan to use this moment to make up and have a new approach to our relationship. We have been dating for the last 2 years and we will also be celebrating our anniversary. She is  special to me because she has brought a lot of change in my life both as a person and in my house.

    Reply
  39. Avatar osborn February 9th, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    Hallo, am Osborn Aristo and i would like to celebrate this Valentine with my wife Mary, i have been out of City, Nairobi for longer days of my past two years, but thank God i got my annual leave as early as this month, February. She is my everything to me being around or not and taking care of my FAMILY. She is the one to be with this valentine.

    Reply
  40. Avatar Wycliffe Barasa February 9th, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    Am Barasa,. I live at the coast and my wife and kid live in nairobi. I have been busy since October last year and haven’t seen them. I have been lucky to have a one week off and would wish to celebrate with them.

    Reply
  41. Avatar Isabell Bockle February 13th, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    I am Isabell Bockle.Valentine to me has not been that special year in year out.I have no one to enjoy that special moment with.Hoping that FANTA will help change 2012 for me so that i may have fun times atleast with my friends. Just need that extra boost to make my valentine day special.Please make it for me :-D.. Friendship is a silent gift of nature. More old..more strong. More deep..more clear. More close..more warm Less words..more understanding.

    Reply
  42. Avatar Isabell Bockle February 13th, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    I am Isabell Bockle.Valentine to me has not been that special year in year out.I have no one to enjoy that special moment with.Hoping that FANTA will help change 2012 for me so that i may have fun times atleast with my friends. Just need that extra boost to make my valentine day special.Please make it for me :-D.. Friendship is a silent gift of nature. More old..more strong. More deep..more clear. More close..more warm Less words..more understanding.

    Reply
  43. Avatar Isabell Bockle February 13th, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    MA FAVorite….,’ANDY’..:-D..

    Reply
  44. Avatar Jayrah August 24th, 2012 at 10:51 am

    Mutinda..damn..you are a masterpiece. can you do this as a spoken word..and in a youth organisation and hang out joint..?let me know pliiiz @ jkibigo86@gmail.com

    Reply
  45. Avatar Sam October 17th, 2012 at 8:27 am

    honest and well written, be there before and only getting around to do the same.

    Reply
  46. Avatar Drew May 16th, 2014 at 9:57 am

    Nicely put. Well written. I like you’re writing style. Rare to come across nicely written articles on these Interwebs nowadays. Keep it up. 🙂

    Reply

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