Consensual sex is supposed to leave you feeling loved and increasingly touted as the great mood cure-all.
Having sex is a hugely intimate act and an orgasm releases lots of wonderful feel good hormones as well as endorphins, meaning we feel calmer, sleep better and approach life more positively. So basically, consensual sex is guaranteed to uplift our mood and make us feel great every time, right? Wrong.
The truth is those feel-good hormones drop following the peak of an orgasm and as you separate from the closeness that brought it, a sense of sadness can follow.
Post-Coital Dysphoria (PCD), commonly referred to as post-sex blues is the experience of a negative feeling after desired sexual activity which can consist of tearfulness, melancholy, anxiety and depression. These feelings can last anywhere from a few minutes to several hours. PCD is a normal condition that can be experienced by both men and women and can occur on a single or few occasions or it can be embedded as a pattern in sexual experience.
There’s not a lot of research that specifies an underlying cause of PCD. However, recent studies show multiples factors lead to these feelings.
Hormones
During sex the body is saturated with a rush of hormones, after which there is a dramatic drop in hormones level. This physiological drop can bring about a subjective sense of dysphoria and can carry with it a negative emotional response. Women with postnatal depression are also most likely to experience PCD, most likely because of heightened sensitivity to estrogen.
Feelings about sex
A strict religious upbringing or being raised in a critical/ conservative home where you were made to feel ashamed about sexuality can also be the cause of a melancholy feeling after sex because of associating sex with shame and sin. Feeling depressed after intercourse could also simply result from the fact you was not ready for sex – not to say that there was no consent. Some people regret the decision they made, wishing they had waited to have sex in different situation, location or with a different partner.
Feelings about the relationship
Sex may not be the answer if you’re in an unfulfilling relationship it can further complicate the situation and take an emotional toll. This is especially true if the individual has sex believing it will save the relationship or they have sex believing it will better define the state of the relationship or an attempt to re-spark with an ex. If it’s a one-night stand or casual hook-up sex, you might also feel sad, although some people can shut down the emotional side of sex.
Body image issues and sexual performance
If you’re embarrassed or ashamed about how you look or how your partner views your body, it could trigger symptoms of PCD, sadness and depression. Insecurity about one’s sexual performance is also another thing that could trigger post-sex blues. Not only may the question whether or not they have performed adequately, the more pressing question may be what their partner thought of their performance. This can be considerable source of anxiety and depression when self-doubt sets in.
Post Trauma or Abuse
Having a history of sexual abuse might make one more at risk for PCD. Physical and emotional abuse from a young age or in your adult years can lead to feelings of shame, guilt, and punishment and can affect how you feel about sex- even a long time after the initial trauma. Certain ways of being touched or positions can also be triggering and memories of the assault might come to mind during sex.
Sex can put you in a vulnerable position, check in with yourself and make sure you feel safe, physically and mentally. If you feel comfortable, try talking with your partner, if you’re in a safe, intimate relationship. Sometimes just giving voice to how you feel will make you feel a little better. If, however, negative feelings are a result of the triggering of past traumatic events, professional help is recommended. A therapist, psychiatrist will be able to help you figure out what’s going on and explore treatment options with you.
