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An open letter to depression

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An open letter to depression.

I wish I cancelled out first meeting… or handled it better !
I wish I never met you!
I remember when I first met you! I thought you were a moment and I welcomed you in! Not knowing I was welcoming myself into my own prison!
It’s ironical that you never left since then, yet I try to chase you away day by day!
Yes, you make me cry!
Yes, you make me sad!
You drive me insane!

Do you know what’s worse?
You being here; and the fact that I can’t talk about you! You carry a stigma, some won’t even understand who you are let alone recognize you! I hate that it’s the toughest job in the world to talk about you!

How can I say someone shouting triggers me?
How I explain that new people trigger me?
How do I explain being alone is the best for me?
All those missed calls, how do I explain why I wasn’t picking?
You tell me what’s the explanation I can give for cancelling all the plans with my friends just to stay home do nothing and cry?
Day by day I loose friends, they ask why am I holding back? But what can I say?
“How about am not okay and I’ll be fine ” you suggest.
Then you go mute when the question comes ‘why are you not okay?’
“What’s going on?”
How do I answer those?
Do you know what I do?
I switch off my phone and cry myself to sleep.
People call me attention seeking or arrogant because I leave them high and dry  or even suggest it’s just in my head.
Little do they know; that I don’t know what to say!
I can’t bring myself to open up; am not ready ,
Am not ready to hear all those lame answers and those clueless looks people have when you try to explain.
I don’t want to be the crazy girl…

I hate you.. and I promise you I’ll put you back in your place,
I am worthy of love,
I am worthy of attention,
I am worthy of peace,
I am worthy of being surrounded by loved ones,
I am worthy of true happiness,
I’ll make you pack and leave and I’ll be fine .. and not just me but I’ll help others too 😊.

 

 

If you or someone you know is suffering from mental health issues visit bonga.or.ke

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