When starting out as a new couple in marriage, you will often hear couples say that they can’t get enough of each other. But this does not last forever.
In the honeymoon stage, sparks are flying, the romance is there and the commitment to each other is unshakable. Then life happens; there is work, financial obligations and the kids come.
Soon the sparks start fading away, the initial commitment to each other is taken up by other aspects of life and resentment sets in. There is hope, thankfully, before the light completely goes out, any marriage can be rejuvenated and spouses can fall in love again. Before you and your spouse call it quits, consider the following process to rejuvenate your marriage:
1. Filter the fights
A big percentage of fights between couples are the same old fights that sprout from the same old arguments. If there are things that you do not agree on with your spouse that seem perpetual, it’s about time that you come to a compromise about those issues. Make a list of these issues and agree to strike them off your list of arguments. Approach the issue without name-calling, demanding, or blaming your spouse. With much love and kindness, state what you feel about the issue as your spouse does the same. You can then compare your thoughts and agree on what works for both of you. Agree from then on that those fights are a no-go zone.
2. Start afresh
In as much as you would want to blame your spouse for the marital rut you are currently in, the truth is that you also have done things that brought both of you there. Instead of sitting and wallowing in that situation, agree to start afresh and be intentional about it.
3. Relive the highlights of your relationship
Start by reliving the moments that made you cling to each other in the length of your relationship. Remind each other how you fell in love and what made you agree to marry your spouse. Relive the places you visited on your vacations, the things you did for each other that made each of you feel most loved and valued. By telling stories that made you love each other more in the past, your hearts will be longing to experience those same feelings. You will be more eager and intentional to rekindle those moments with your spouse.
4. Little surprises goes a long way
Take your time to surprise your spouse with things that they love and will remind them of you. A personalized photo pendant necklace always does the magic. Nothing beats reminiscing about your loving spouse while looking at his or her photo. By gifting your spouse a personalized photo pendant, you will be allowing him or her to experience this at any given time. You can make it more fun by choosing the photos together so that each of you gets one of his or her own.
5. Create time for one another
Time is always limited, but we never lack time to do the things that we love. When you value your spouse, you will find time to spend with him or her. Make sure that once in a while you take time out just the two of you, with no work or kids coming in between. You can take a night out and dine together, go for a movie or dance. You can sign up for a class together or go for an adventure. If taking time out together is impossible, consider spending a few minutes together each day, it will make a world of a difference.
6. Choose words wisely
The words we use have power; they can either build or destroy. Choose to use polite and kind words to your spouse, the words “please”, “thank you” and “I’m sorry”, never get old. Make sure to use them in your conversations. You will be surprised how fast your spouse will glow if he or she came from work with a bad mood. Use words of affirmation; tell her that that dress brings out her beauty. Praise her food and the ability to keep the home clean. Thank him for paying the bills on time or taking out the trash. Using such words helps focus more on the positives, eliminating the possibility of brooding over the negatives.
No marriage is easy, considering that you both are not perfect, days will come that your marriage will feel threatened. Understand that these times will come, but the ability to rise above them together is what will strengthen and define your marriage. Know that marriage, just like a plant, needs to be nurtured to grow and you will have your marriage forever rejuvenated.