{"id":7983,"date":"2014-05-13T08:39:32","date_gmt":"2014-05-13T08:39:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.capitalfm.co.ke\/campus\/?p=7983"},"modified":"2015-09-30T13:59:21","modified_gmt":"2015-09-30T13:59:21","slug":"diary-of-a-confused-campus-girl-naked-thoughts-unclothed-mind","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.capitalfm.co.ke\/thesauce\/diary-of-a-confused-campus-girl-naked-thoughts-unclothed-mind\/","title":{"rendered":"Diary of A Confused Campus Girl : Naked Thoughts, Unclothed Mind"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"girl<\/a><\/p>\n

The sad moment in one\u2019s academic life when you just can\u2019t seem to understand stuff however hard you try. You stare at a page for hours on end but all you keep doing is drifting away. The fact that you may have an exam just a night away does not make matters any better. Self pity sinks in and you begin wondering whether the stuff you\u2019re reading is hard or maybe you\u2019re just too dense\u2026.sigh!<\/p>\n

I am going through the exact same state of mind at the moment and I have reached the stage where I have resigned to the fact that my cognitive abilities may not be as good as I had earlier on envisioned. Perhaps the effects of wear and tear have become too drastic for my brain to handle.\u00a0 Maybe I am indeed growing stupid and who knows what will happen next? And the questions begin racing across my mind, what if I turn into Reece from Malcolm in the Middle?? What if C\u2019s will be the best I ever get? What If I turn into Blondie who has no inkling of how the earth originated? (Hypothetically, this would be impossible seeing as I am African in every aspect)<\/p>\n

What if I turned into Nick from My Family\u2026what if??<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t help but ponder on what my fate would be if such were to happen. If I had the drop dead gorgeous looks then perhaps a rich bloke somewhere would consider having me as a trophy wife and it would have worked out just fine. But then again, here I am an average Jane by all means in the looks department, I have nothing exceptional, well, except maybe for my hair; I have no incredible talents or gifts, neither do I have skills that other normal human beings do not have. \u00a0If by the devil\u2019s wishes I were to be just a wee bit denser than I am, then my middle name would spell \u201cdisaster\u201d.<\/p>\n

I may not be as smart as Einstein in the Science domain; neither do I have a vast understanding of Philosophy and Astronomy. Heck, I am not a literature maverick, neither am I anywhere nearly as good as Dickens, Ibsen, Shakespeare and the likes.\u00a0 I definitely ain\u2019t the next Marie Curie neither do I foresee myself innovating stuff and turning into Steve Jobs.\u00a0 Were I good in sports perhaps there would have been a bit of hope\u2026but well, here I am, stuck in between. I don\u2019t know what I am or am not anymore. I keep telling myself that I am headed in the right direction but quite frankly, I don\u2019t even know which damn path I am treading on.\u00a0 I am a bit of everything, all shades of colour, quite confused and undecided. I know I can\u2019t have everything, yet, I am too afraid to let go\u2026What if I let go of the most important things and hold on to that which is utterly useless? And so I choose to keep everything within arm\u2019s reach, trying to be everything at the same damn time.\u00a0 I am basically a walking transformer on overload.<\/p>\n

I know it is an unwise move\u2026I know I should live one step at a time\u2026I know. But fear gnaws the depths of my soul, the grace to carry it through is lacking. Maybe I do need help, maybe I am psycho\u2026but then again, maybe I am not half as stupid as I think I am. Sure, I am not Marie Curie, but I have the ability to transform my thoughts into words, I can tackle a few sums here and there. That\u2019s all I need to be happy really.\u00a0 It could\u2019ve been a lot worse, darker and hopeless. I know I am not the best, there are millions out there better than I am, but there can only be one person who is best at being me, and that is me. Gibberish, I know, but a girl needs to remind herself that she is still worth the salt every once in a while\u2026.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The sad moment in one\u2019s academic life when you just can\u2019t seem to understand stuff however hard you try. You stare at a page for hours on end but all you keep doing is drifting away. The fact that you may have an exam just a night away does not make matters any better. Self […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13763,"featured_media":5881,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[219],"tags":[572,804,1066,639],"class_list":["post-7983","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-da-squeeze","tag-blog","tag-girl","tag-naked","tag-school"],"better_featured_image":{"id":5881,"alt_text":"","caption":"","description":"","media_type":"image","media_details":{"width":640,"height":426,"file":"2013\/08\/girl-student-single.jpg","sizes":{"thumbnail":{"file":"girl-student-single-150x150.jpg","width":150,"height":150,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.capitalfm.co.ke\/thesauce\/files\/2013\/08\/girl-student-single-150x150.jpg"},"medium":{"file":"girl-student-single-300x199.jpg","width":300,"height":199,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.capitalfm.co.ke\/thesauce\/files\/2013\/08\/girl-student-single-300x199.jpg"},"tie-small":{"file":"girl-student-single-55x55.jpg","width":55,"height":55,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.capitalfm.co.ke\/thesauce\/files\/2013\/08\/girl-student-single-55x55.jpg"},"tie-medium":{"file":"girl-student-single-272x125.jpg","width":272,"height":125,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.capitalfm.co.ke\/thesauce\/files\/2013\/08\/girl-student-single-272x125.jpg"},"tie-large":{"file":"girl-student-single-290x195.jpg","width":290,"height":195,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.capitalfm.co.ke\/thesauce\/files\/2013\/08\/girl-student-single-290x195.jpg"},"slider":{"file":"girl-student-single-640x330.jpg","width":640,"height":330,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.capitalfm.co.ke\/thesauce\/files\/2013\/08\/girl-student-single-640x330.jpg"}},"image_meta":{"aperture":0,"credit":"","camera":"","caption":"","created_timestamp":0,"copyright":"","focal_length":0,"iso":0,"shutter_speed":0,"title":""}},"post":5879,"source_url":"https:\/\/www.capitalfm.co.ke\/thesauce\/files\/2013\/08\/girl-student-single.jpg"},"yoast_head":"\nDiary of A Confused Campus Girl : Naked Thoughts, Unclothed Mind - The Sauce<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The sad moment in one\u2019s academic life when you just can\u2019t seem to understand stuff however hard you try. 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