Words of caution for a female freshman (Part 1) - The Sauce
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Words of caution for a female freshman (Part 1)


It is freshman season in most local universities; I take this chance to welcome you all to campus. When I decided to do this piece, I undoubtedly knew that it would not be an easy task. There can’t possibly be a foolproof manual that fits all to use while living in campus; in fact, there is no manual at all. Most of the time you will have to navigate through situations that will require you to draw from your own experience. Seeing as I am a fourth year though, there are a few  pointersI can share with you about life in campus and how to come out in one piece!


During ‘welcome week’ this is what you will be all anxious about. There will be so many new people around and deep within you you’ll be wishing you could hook up with as many friends as possible to begin campus on a high note. Everyone is nervous and over- cautious during the first week so chances are you will not make too many friends yet; you will feel lonely and awful. You’ll start panicking about not having people to go with to class and stuff like that. Heck you’ll even entertain the thoughtof travelling back home for good!

The people you have encounters with during the first few weeks on campus always turn out to be lifetime friends. The girl you cheekily cut the line with, your first roommate, the cute guy who helped with your suitcase etc, they always end up as campus bff’s. To survive campus though you will need at least three female friends and one male friend. You can reverse the genders to your own appropriation. I have 3 female friends who somehow ‘complement’ my stay in campus: you’ll need a Barbs, a Njeri  & a Nyar Kisumo.

Barbs: She is that friend who is there for your emotional needs- boyfriend drama, family issues and post- virginity blues She is a good listener and does not judge; always available as a shoulder to lean on and to listen to your shenanigans late into the night. There are way too many events on campus that will threaten your emotional stability and having a compassionate friend goes a long way in helping you cope.

Njeri: She is the realist and will help you make informed decisions while in campus. Being a realist means she is also financially disciplined so anytime you feel like you can afford a shopping spree, consult her first. So you have a huge crush on this cute 4th year and you think he likes you too? Invite Njeri the next time you meet him up and be sure she can tell apart a guy who loves you from a fisi. While she won’t advice or listen to your shenanigans, she will however tell you some hard truths like when your weave looks plain ugly or if you’re flirting with people too much.

Nyar Kisumo: She is the classy one who looks and behaves like a seasoned  4th yearIn freshman year chances are you will be a bit clumsy and everything from your dressing to your mannerisms will need polishing. Be calm, as long as Nyar Kisumo is around you will have a celebrity stylist, chef and PR guru all for free! She will always disapprove of your choice of boyfriends and dismiss them as ‘sufferers’. Given the slightest chance, she’ll hook you up with a politician; keep off any relationship interventions from Nyar Kisumo! If you ever experiment with alcohol, chances will be that it’s Nyar Kisumo mixing the cocktails and advising you on which ‘soft’ alcohol you should do as anamatuer. The rule of the thumb when dealing with Nyar Kisumo: always get a second opinion from the realist, Njeri.



Everything you have been told about male- female relations in campus is true. Keep in mind that most of the senior guys after you are either creeps, out for sex or outright losers who cannot score with any senior girl. Seek to build friendships with people and get to know their dating history before settling in a relationship. Do not be deceived, not everyone in campus is having sex.

If you feel that pre- marital sex is not for you it is ok to stick to that. Pressure may build for you to give into  demands as the same man you love will  threaten to booting you if you do not oblige. Apart from the occasional 5 second- long orgasm which you are not even guaranteed to have, nothing good  comes out of sexual activity in campus. Please make use of contraception if you must engage in sex, condoms can go a long way in saving you from  unwanted pregnancies and deadly STI’s. Have an open mind while dating; anything from being kickedout to being cheated on can happen. If you find love, good for you, if not there are equally interesting things you can involve yourself with while in campus. Oh, for the love of God DO NOT go about washing clothes for your boyfriend and nonsense like that, you have shit to do as well seeing as you’re both in college.

One last thing- ‘working class’ men are overrated and anyone old enough to be your dad wanting to get into your pants is a likely carrier of a dreaded virus.


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