Why I won’t have a Graduation Party

I was at the graduation party last weekend for one of my best friends Mike who had just graduated with an Upper second class honors from KU. The whole party should qualify as a sequel for Hangover 3. It was one of the craziest parties I have ever been too. It was a learning experience.

Hopefully, in a year’s time, I will also be graduating, hoping that the notorious ghost of missing marks won’t haunt me. Marks disappear mysteriously sometimes in our institution but let me skip that. Unlike my friend Mike, I have decided I won’t hold a graduation party. Yes, I’ll be mean like that and here’s why.

Relatives

Relatives are an unbelievable bunch of people, especially rural ones. I come from the same shagz as Mike, so I learnt a few things. Apparently, one of Mike’s uncles thought it was such a cool thing to hire a Msamaria Mwema bus from western Kenya to Nairobi and fill it with relatives and village men. The look on Mike’s face when he saw the bus and hundreds of handshakes from relatives was priceless. Then they went on to play the famous isukuti tunes to the amusement of other families

Then there was the issue of each relative wanting to see Mike personally. Everyone seemed to want to have a piece of his future. Some think a graduate is usually given a lump sum as a sendoff. Any graduate can tell you that a good future isn’t guaranteed these days, so when you go on to factor in relatives in your future plans, things will only get more difficult. Mike spent most of the time hiding and dodging relatives. One of them kept selling his daughter to Mike, hoping that he might get interested.

“After graduation, reality starts creeping in. No one gives you money anymore and the money you get isn’t quite enough to cover your needs.”

Fake friends and gate crushers

A bouncer who happened to have kicked us out of a club in Westlands not so long ago decided to show up. We had the pleasure of kicking him out too, thanks to the assistance of Mike’s older brother, Amo who is a giant in the making. We even made him pay for the beers he drank. That’s how nasty we were too him- Payback time. We were in our turf.

Even people you barely know show up at graduation parties just to get a piece of the action. Just because you are the friend of my friends’ cousin doesn’t warrant free beer and food.  Acquaintances who you barely talk to call you when its graduation time. When they come to the party, they drink and woo women the most then they go on to make an imaginary business deal with you in case it happens in the future.

Exiting campus

College years are one of the best years in one’s life. Why should you celebrate leaving? Campus is fun. Ladies aren’t married so they are available, no bills to pay, uncle HELB is generous, lots of friends, endless partying etc. After graduation, reality starts creeping in. No one gives you money anymore and the money you get isn’t quite enough to cover your needs. In fact, you are now old enough to pay back the loans you happily took in campus. All the good women you used and dumped in campus are now married and all you get is rejected ladies who live on whisky and can’t cook.

So unless you are guaranteed a six figure starting salary, all you should do on your graduation day is sulk. If that aunt comes to you dancing with flowers, run away. As for me, I’ll spend the week after graduation drafting a master plan for the rest of my after-college years. Nevertheless nyamachoma for all my true friends will be there on a set date.