The 7 types of hungry students

Almost everyone who is in a public university has at some point eaten ‘Chapo mbili mix’. It’s a common meal found in cheap food joints around most public universities. Money is very important in campus and the more you save, the better off you will be. This kind of meal offers the perfect opportunity to save. However, through my analysis and studying of eating behavior in my campus, I have noted similarities to the animal kingdom.  Let me take you through the wild journey. Once upon our time, there was:

The eating machine aka Mr. Hyena

This student usually goes to the hotel and asks for ‘Chapati tano mix’ or ‘ugali mix na chapo nne’. If he’s eating ugali with matumbo or vegetables for example, he will always clear the ugali quickly and ask for another ‘ugali ya ten bob’. Hotels around campuses are usually not kind enough to offer free ugali saucer. If Mr. Hyena has a meal voucher at the Student’s Mess, he will clear it in a few weeks. He rarely buys lunch for others.

The boss aka King Lion

This student will go to a hotel and order a meal worth 100 shillings and above. His meal mostly includes meat and other protein diets such as eggs and fish. Just like the real lion, ego and money isn’t a problem.  If he doesn’t like hotels, you will always find plenty of well cooked food in his crib. He also dates ladies who are good cooks. Note that a male lion doesn’t like to hunt. It’s the lioness that does most of the hunting so this guy also doesn’t like to cook. He will either have a sweet girl cooking for him or eat at a nice hotel.

The smart guy aka Mr. Rabbit

This is the true lover of ‘Chapo mbili mix’. This is also the guy who will make others buy lunch for him most of the time. In a semester, the number of free lunches he will get will equal the number of lunches he has paid for himself. He budgets money wisely and makes sure he’s never broke. He doesn’t eat expensive meals and prefers cooking sometimes.

The coil guy aka Mr. Kingfisher.

The bird called kingfisher loves fish and so does the coil guy loves omena. During lunch hours, as you pass through the corridors of most hotels, you will feel a strong aroma of omena which signifies the hostel guy at work, frying omena, even though cooking is illegal in hostel rooms. Other Kingfishers who have gone broke also tend to ‘nyemelea’ rooms of friends once they smell some small fish.

The gold digger aka Miss Lioness

She hunts for guys with money and makes sure a fly guy buys lunch for her all semester round. Her looks are tempting and so is her sweet voice.  Similar to the way the wild lioness usually camouflages itself in long brown dried grass, the gold digger usually appears as the perfect girl to hang out with. Regret only comes after.

The spender aka Mr. Elephant

The elephant usually thinks of himself as the strongest animal in the kingdom due to his size which is far from the truth. This is the reason why elephants get killed by poachers and die in periods of drought. The spender gets HELB loan at the beginning of the semester and feels he is the richest guy in campus. He usually starts the semester on a high note eating chicken, meat, fish, chips and sausages. By mid- semester, most of the money is over and drought strikes. He ends up resorting to ‘chapo mbili mix’ omena and sukuma wiki.

High class lady aka Miss Peacock

She doesn’t do cheap hotels. She eats at the best restaurants in and around campus.  It takes a really wealthy guy to afford her.  She also prefers to cook for herself. When a friend offers to buy lunch, she will claim she doesn’t want to get typhoid. She loves pizza, cakes, fries, yoghurt and other classy foodstuffs.

If you have fallen on the wrong side of the food chain, pardon me please.