I’m tired of the exiles - A note to my roommate - The Sauce
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I’m tired of the exiles – A note to my roommate


Sheila was almost blacking out. She loved the way Ng’ash was spoiling her. According to her, he was the man. She moved over to hug him as he made another joke. It was around 12 midnight and Ng’ash decided it was time to go and have fun with her.They had been drinking at the Student’s Annex for three hours. He had chased her for a long time. Being a player, Sheila was the only girl who had eluded him for long, so he opted for dirty tricks. He took Sheila’s arm and walked her to his hostel room. Outside the door, he found a bag with a note on top. He picked it up and read it. The note read:

‘Vipi Ng’ash. Sincerely I’m tired of being exiled from my own room every time. I’m a bitter man. I won’t allow myself to be despised anymore, I may not be popular with the ladies like you are but I need some respect. Do you know how bad it feels like having to find a place to sleep five nights a week? Last night I had decided we should square it out like men. I just didn’t want to embarrass you before your lady.

Where do you get all those ladies? I thought Kevo was worse but I ‘m realizing that he is better. When I used to live with Kevo he always brought impromptu ladies. I used to sleep on the uppper decker of the bed while he preferred the ‘ground floor’ deck. He used to bring ladies to our room when I was asleep then start doing his thing. The funny thing is that he never even used to request me vacate the room. In my peaceful sleep I was always awakened by shaking of the bed and sexy voices shouting “Ivo Kevo …Ivo…Yes! Yes! Yes!”  I witnessed a lot of stuff. .

I can’t stand this anymore. Yesterday you came with a chips funga then you ate all my food. I had prepared that meal so well because I was planning to invite Kate over. Do you know how much you disadvantaged me?   Kate had agreed to come over then while I’m going to pick her, you call me and tell me that you are with a girl in the room and that I should find a place to sleep. I swear I was coming to break down that door. I just don’t know why I didn’t.

The other day Yvonne, a girl I’m really trying to impress came to visit me and all you could do was try to hit on her. You are a despicable, disrespecting fooll imbecile. Everything that you use is mine yet you have the guts to tell your ladies that you own everything in the room. You need serious thorough canes you………….7(&%^$%#@.

We have been friends a long time but I’m done with you. I’m the one who accepted your request to be my roommate. You remember when you didn’t have a place to stay and Kevo had decided to move to an apartment outside the school? You asked me whether you can come and stay in my room and I accepted. So right now I’m terminating this shameful contract. Goodbye. You will find your belongings outside the door when you arrive.”


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