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How to win a campus election

Incoming Chair casts his vote

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Election fever has infected Kenyatta University with student elections due in a few days. Politics is receiving its fair share of inflated attention. The campaign gear is in full mode. Guys in suits are greeting people all over the campus and the environment is being redecorated with numerous campaign posters. Ladies are busy debating who the hottest male contestant is while guys are busy figuring out how to get free drinks from the aspirants. It’s always a good time to make easy money if you love being on the grind.

However, some aspirants just keep doing the wrong things. Many aspirants have taken loans, missed classes and endured insults just in the name of hunting for votes. The major thing most contestants forget is tactical maneuver. Magic doesn’t happen in Kenya. There are things you need to do to secure a place in the prestigious university congress. There are dos and don’ts in the journey to the student organization body. Here’s how to be on the winning lane:

Give fake promises

Voters like fake promises. This applies voters over the world. Being plain and direct will only make you a bore. Voters need something to fantasize about. Sometimes, fantasies are what keep us satisfied.  In truth, most students are unsatisfied with a number of things in campus but they just can’t say them. If you touch on these issues and come out as a man who can ‘fix’ them, you will be voted in. Of course you can’t fix them but just lie that you will.

Get complete support from the opposite sex

This is a very crucial area. If you are a guy, you have to come out as appealing. Your picture should make a lady stop and stare. Your presence should have an effect.  If you opt for oversized suits, you’ll end up looking like Sichangi wa Mbilianga yet you are supposed to look like Robin Thicke.  Ladies can vote for a guy just because he’s hot, nothing else. So get your grooming perfect and spot on.

If you are a lady, don’t be afraid to show some flesh in those posters. If you are endowed with goodies never make the mistake of showing only your face. Sit and take a picture that highlights all your features. Forget all the crap about being decent. We campus guys vote a lady in because of two things. If she’s a friend of a friend, a girlfriend of a friend or an associate we’ll vote her in. If she’s not any of the former, then she has to be hot. Flaunt those legs and show some cleavage. You willl be surprised at the number of guys that have copies of your posters in their rooms.

sonu elections

Buy drinks and do outrageous things

Drinks equal votes: That’s a tested and proven theory.  Don’t be mean. For you to get returns, you must invest well. Get funding from wealthy sources and use the cash to do outrageous stuff. Take a whole class out for lunch for example. Each of those students will sing your name after that. They will spread the tales of your good deeds to everyone they can and this will help cement your popularity. Hire campaign front men to do some of your work for you.  Avoid dumping yourself into heavy cost strategies. Operate in a way that you won’t get into depression once you fail.

Play dirty

A cliché it is that ‘politics is a dirty game and it always will be.’ If you have always been earmarked as a dark horse this might be the time to show what you got. Play dirty. Political dirt always washes out.  If you are a frontrunner in the race, there’s a chance that your rivals are always casting envious glances at you. Stay calm and outmuscle everyone. Being nice never really helps in certain situations. Life always sulks to those who are too serious with it because life loves drama.

Study the weaknesses of your rivals and use these against them. If your rival has a hidden dirty secret, use it to defame them. Just make it appear that you aren’t the one who did it. This always works. Every contestant is usually desperate for victory, so never hesitate to use all the weapons in your arsenal. Holding back always yields regret later on. Don’t channel all the money you get from funding into campaigns, save some for a rainy day.

Be popular and influential prior to the elections

You will be amazed at the kinds of things people do to those that they don’t like. Someone will hurt you and talk trash about you not because of any wrong doing against them, but just because they don’t like you. People who like you tend to tolerate the stupid things you do. It’s thus very necessary to be likable. This will even help you after the elections. If you don’t deliver while in office, people will still tolerate you because they like you.

 

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