How I found love at a strip club

I realized that in the game of business, strippers are some of the well-placed merchants. A stripper is the only business lady who will make you pay for window-shopping the product but still deny you the chance to actually buy it. Other businesspeople always say, “Kuona ni bure.”  That’s not the case with a stripper. She will flaunt her mad skills and goodies at you then tell you, “That’s all. Goodnight.” By then, you have showered her with all your cash and unless you have a wife at home, or are loaded, you end up worse than when you came in – Broke and ‘not satisfied’.  Even if you have a wife at home, you will still have to explain why you came home with the scent of female cologne hovering around you and more importantly, why you came home late.

It’s true that money can’t buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with. So it’s another Friday evening at campus and once again I’m not sure what to do. This time, however, I’m rich. I’m fresh from a salary from one of my part time jobs and in desperate need of a master plan. I try calling Suzy my crush but she doesn’t pick up.  The second time I try calling she answers with, “I’m busy tonight!.” In the background I clearly hear a hoarse male voice telling her, “Let’s continue baibe.” My morale takes a nose dive. Why do I always miss out on all the women I want?

I then flirt with the idea of calling George, one of my friends. His plans mostly get us into trouble but the thrill lasts for a lifetime. The last time I listened to him, I ended up being beaten with a mop stick by a girl’s father at a house party. I make the risky decision to call him and he tells me about this new world class strip club in Westlands that we can go check out . I’m coy on the idea at first but I finally agree. We meet in town then head to Westlands.

The bouncers are not convinced we are over 21 years so we have to slide a loose Sh500 plus the entrance fee to be allowed in. The club looks pretty cool inside, dimly lit but set alive by a myriad of colored lights. We use the carpeted stairwell with mirror walls and a strong scent of Labrada Caribbean perfume. The floor has specks of gold litter strewed all through. It’s beautiful.

It feels like a blend of hell and paradise inside. Being my first time in an erotic establishment, I’m nervous. Quality titties are flying all over the place to the amusement of well dressed and distinguished men. Revelers range from our age to the age of our grandfathers. We buy bottles of whisky then sit down to watch the main dance at the stage.  Almost immediately, two women approach us.

With a sultry sexy voice that’s accompanied by a girlish giggle; the petite one introduces herself to me as Jane. She wastes no time entangling me with her bare legs. She must have judged that I was loaded. I place my drink on the table and watch in awe as her wondrous assets unravel right in front of me. Within seconds, I fall into an infatuation-induced stupor.

I feel like I am floating. Her full lips, sparkling black eyes, shapely form and the discreet swell of her bosom create a surge of lust in me. The deep heat of her body covers us and she starts grinding me with her thighs. Then she stops. I give her a few notes and she asks me if I would like to go to one of the confined partitions for a more private lap dance. The temptation is hard to suppress. I quickly agree and tell George I’ll be back.