Baby! Let's Talk About Sex With Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah, Author Of 'The Sex Lives Of African Women' - The Sauce
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Baby! Let’s Talk About Sex With Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah, Author Of ‘The Sex Lives Of African Women’

Ghanaian author Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah is in Kenya to promote her latest book, ‘The Sex Lives of African Women’.

In this book, Nana interviewed different African women in Africa and the diaspora. She told the diverse stories of their sex lives and explored self-discovery, freedom and healing. In doing this, she inspired readers to push their boundaries and live outside the box of societal standards and truly liberate themselves and celebrate sex, sexuality and womanhood.

Here are the questions we had for her and how she answered them.

Q. What influenced your sex-positive thinking?

Nana realized at the age of thirty that nobody told her anything meaningful about sex beyond, “don’t do it”. Upon realizing this, she was inspired to start her blog ‘Adventures from the Bedrooms of African Women’, she wanted to create a space for women to be able to learn and share from one another. Her book was merely an extension of that.

Q. Your definition of ‘women’ is likely not to be the same as that of other people in Africa as it is more accommodative to people on the queer spectrum. Please clarify how you define ‘woman’.

The author said that the world is not very kind to women so she doesn’t see why someone would say they are a woman if they are not. She added that she “is not interested in debating anybody’s gender”. Anyone who identifies as a woman, is a woman as far as she is concerned. Nana keeps her view on womanhood as expansive as possible because she wants to be expansive in how she goes through the world.

Q. What do you describe as safe-sex?

“Safe sex is built on a bedrock of enthusiastic consent. Not just somebody saying yes but meaning it with every pore of their body”. As far as safety is concerned, it depends on the person. One can use protective barrier and/or test before among other things. She also said that there is “no such thing as safe-sex there is only safer sex” and as such, it is paramount to talk before, during and after sex regarding what makes someone feel safe or unsafe because we all experience sex differently.

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Q. The book enforced that women begin having sex from as young as 15 years old.

This phenomenon is one that Africans seem to be in denial of, what are your thoughts on this?
“It is important that we start teaching children about sex from a really early age”. This is because they must know about their bodies, rights to privacy and rights to determine who does and does not touch them. Not teaching children about sex increases their chances of being sexually abused. Young people who choose to have sex deserve to be empowered with the knowledge that enables them to make responsible choices that prioritize their health and agency. We must “recognize them as full human beings who are capable of making decisions for themselves”.

Q. What advice do you have for parents in the context of sex-positivity?

As a mother to a toddler, she told us that it starts by teaching them the correct names for their body parts. When they grow, your children will not come and talk to you about sex if they think that you are coming from a place of judgement or have a very limited view of sex. “Parents should be able to give children the full range of information to allow them to make choices.” She adds that the most important job as a parent is to support and love your child.


Q. What advice do you have for young people navigating self-discovery, freedom and healing?

Make your own decisions and do not be influenced by society. Rather, do what will make you happy and give you pleasure. She also strongly encourages young people to engage in self-pleasure which she describes as “safe, healthy and fun sex and sometimes is the best type of sex”.

Nana serves to liberate and expand the ideas behind sex and womanhood. She also shows us through her writing that African Women are far more complex than we are given credit for and we lead interesting sex lives.

We are all on a journey to discover ourselves, find freedom and seek healing and we are inspired to do so by reading the diverse, interesting and authentic stories of powerful women who have taken control of their pleasure and sexuality.

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