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A woman is more than her shape

Woman standing on platform, low section, in front of three young men


I have really tried to ignore that fat equals lazy equals you deserve to be cheated on article. Yes, I read it but I did not take it too seriously until enough people began writing reply articles like it was some sort of battle. I have joined the fray.

The article is an easy write. It is lazy in and of itself because it is about bullying plus size women. Easy target. Women in a patriarchal society are easy to bash.  Now that we have adopted the western standard of beauty-light skinned skinny women are the in thing now.

Women should be chasing more tangible more long term goals. Trying to look right for a man is quite futile. For one, men who cheat do it for various reasons and I am on good authority to say that it’s the thrill of sneaking behind their supposed loved one and not being caught, a little like hide and seek.

Fat, tall, short, thin, yellow, blue, black women have all been cheated on. There is no level of attractiveness that can guarantee anybody that they cannot be cheated on. It is probably a matter of being with a man of principle. Not someone who will hide behind statement like; “I am a man. Monogamy is not natural for us.” The real statement is; ” I have zero self-control”

The article in question is seemingly saying to women to run around like a headless chicken, attain perfection so that your man does not cheat on you, what a waste of man hours. Life is too short to sit around worrying about meeting outlandish goals, what is fat anyway? Some men like to get lost in flesh.

What I am saying is no matter your size there is always someone out there who finds you attractive. In the shallow world that Miss Njoki writes from physical features is ‘the be all and end all’ of relationships. Woe unto you if you make the mistake of gaining a kilo or two. Your man is out the door. A bit like the army, no room for error, no second chances, so forever be on your toes. Such relationships are too fragile for my liking. I prefer relationships that are built on far more deeper foundations. Like Shakespeare wrote,

Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! It is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;


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Question: If I met a delightful man today who has washboard abs and other meaningful qualities, wouldn’t I be a little mad to leave him if five years down the line when his midsection becomes soft due to other life priorities taking his gym time away?

All these rules people come up with are illusionary prisons designed to keep women on a short leash; Forever insecure, forever needing the approval of chauvinistic men. Men are out here achieving their potential while women obsess over non issues like the perfect waistline. Live your life at your own pace, have your own personal goals. Because we cannot be shepherded into achieving specific body measurements for the irrational function of the male gaze.

In the words of American entertainer Bevy smith “Honestly, I much prefer being known for my wit, personality & smarts versus having an hourglass shape. I spent a lot of years being just a body!”

Prove yourself to yourself not others. That is attractive.

By Grace Akatch

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