Nyaatha Beatification, counting the blessed losses

I am sitting at my designated office desk wondering why the seat is a bit uncomfortable today. It’s Monday morning again marking my third week in my new position.

Surely, by now I should have my way through traffic and not blame the lack of a security access card for clearance into the basement and the building. Lots of security protocol here in tandem with the infamous quote. Security begins with you and me. I should bring this to the attention of relevant authorities but am still waiting for my work email configuration. What’s the hurry?


Monday blues aside, I settled down to crunch numbers as my job description would dictate. I realize that the payroll scheduling folder is at the bottom of the paper work in my in tray and I quickly move it up. I cannot help but look forward to the long weekend ahead. Speaking of the weekend, the much anticipated Beatification ceremony of Sister Irene Stefani, christened Nyaatha by the people of Gikondi Nyeri County, was marked this past weekend with nothing short of pomp and color. Going forward, my home county has a worldwide recognition as a Catholic Pilgrims’ destination, isn’t it? Only time will tell; but judging from the events that were, this may remain a null hypothesis for the long haul. The speculative and industrious business men and women, of the county are not happy at all.

I need to vent. I vehemently differ with the cartoon on one of the local dailies depicting a boom in business that came with the momentous occasion. The whole affair was a sham and a scam. My catholic brethren, before you cast the first stone or commit me to a Novena, kindly read on. I am a fervent believer of Jesus Christ and all that is holy and your Beatification ceremony was a success by all means. However, for those with business acumen can attest to the fact that the much ado about the whole event turned to be much ado about nothing.

Here I am counting losses after my speculative ventures turned south and I bet I am not alone in this financial wreckage. After soul searching, I have decided to lay the blame on someone or something. This is the norm. Can the real County government of Nyeri please own up to the grave mistakes starting from gross misrepresentation of facts about the event to shrewd means of killing the daily livelihoods of your constituents? Yes, I said it.

Allow me to gloat about my numerous business ideas that were meant to turn me into an overnight millionaire. Forget winning the lottery, this was the Midas touch itself only that he may have pointed elsewhere and not anywhere near my area code. First, my husband and I were willing to turn out our four bed roomed house into a guest house to cash in on the over 300,000 guests that were expected as per the county’s statistics. Given the town could only accommodate 1000 in the available hotels; I did not need to extrapolate the demand curve against the almost fixed variable. I had set my price just right as you can imagine. Having gone through all the requirements that come with charges of course, we were set.

I floated this splendid catering venture at the events’ venues to my investment “chama” and went out of our way to have the water provided by the local water and Sewerage Company bottled, branded then sold it to the thirsty pilgrims as they followed the procession. The number of sales made could be anyone’s guess. I wonder whether I will be attending the next meeting.

I wish I went about my own business this past weekend and played ignorant to the events that were. I would not be lamenting as much. Letting bygone be and looking at the glass half full, I cannot thank the governor enough for bringing “kiamatawa” to us. The habitual stag has just enough reason to revise his minimum staggering distance upwards. His journey home is well lit. The errant civil contractors have finally marked and named the roads. The town once known for going to bed before sunset is slowly nurturing a night life. I hope our beautiful and clean town never sheds its current splendor especially due to unpaid electricity bills.
Amidst the imperfect information about the event’s attendance, there were fears on the management of motor vehicle traffic within the town. An unscrupulous parking attendant had the perfect solution. He purported to sell advance tickets for a whopping KES 3000 for a parking slot in town and there was a mad dash while stocks lasted. On the fateful day, I moved with lots of ease within the town and yes I was guilty of the double parking offense but who was around to enforce the bylaws?

Anyway, it’s time to labor and try and make the employee of the month. It’s all I have left for now; but if there is any justice in the world, someone needs to be held accountable. Heads need to roll; no stone should be left un-turned. This can only come after constituting a commission of inquiry to come up with a list of shame in a report that will never see the light of day. Pun intended in every sense of the word.

Author: Grace W. Muraguri-Mamo, Bachelor of Economics & Finance, C.P.A (K)

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