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Not business as usual if they rig out Obama

NAIROBI, August 29 – It is 9am on November 4, 2008. The attention of the entire world is glued to the US presidential elections where Barack Obama is on the verge of making history as the first ever black President of America.

Almost all opinion polls from major media houses over the last one week have placed Obama four to seven points ahead of the GOP candidate, the ageless John McCain in the race for white House. It is only the Fox News-commissioned poll which has the two candidates in a dead heat tie.

After having breakfast with their daughters, Barack and Michelle, followed by 11,248 journalists head to their polling station only a few blocks from their Kenwood neighbourhood home.

But five minutes into the poll station, Obama meets his first shock. Apparently, the same computer glitch that affected the voter register in Kibera where Kenya’s Raila Odinga voted in the infamous 2007 elections, found its way to America.

All names starting with letter ‘O’ are missing from the list; Obama, Conrad O’Brien, OJ Simpson, Osama bin laden and Oprah Winfrey cannot vote. The America electoral commission is sent into a spin trying to contain the fiasco. CNN, Al Jazeera, Citizen TV, France24 are all ‘Live’ with the news.

Computer geeks from the Silicon Valley soon arrive in Chicago and sort out the problem but if Obama thinks his woes are over, he must be daydreaming.

Polling ends without similar problems and counting begins. Obama races to open an early lead in the first states that finish tallying within two hours of polling booths closing.

By midnight, Obama has extended his lead by ten million votes and excitement fills the air.

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From Kogelo to Cuba, from China to Huruma and most states in America, people start to pour out of the streets and savour the historic occasion. Their celebrations, it appears, are premature; form 16As from the red states are yet to arrive at the national tallying centre.

The next morning, the results from the McCain home turf start streaming in and Obama’s lead starts thinning like the value of Safaricom shares.

Rigging! The media cries out.

Riots break out in Chicago, and soon spread to other cities with majority of Obama supporters. Angry voters in Boston storm into a Wal-Mart store and do their “shopping”.

Fighting is being reported in Kogelo, Zimbabwe, Iran, Kendu Bay, North Korea, Beijing, Huruma, Dandora and Compton.

The violence escalates and McCain is declared the winner amid tight security from the Secret Service.

Speaker Nancy Pelosi calls for mass action across the globe as world leaders Raul Castro, Robert Mugabe, Hugo Chavez, Yoweri Museveni, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Thabo Mbeki converge in Tbilisi, Georgia to discuss the deteriorating humanitarian crisis in America. They in the meantime urge for a boycott of all American goods like Burgers, Bold and The Beautiful, America’s Next Top Model, George Bush etc.

Shops and factories remain closed and fearing starvation, the illegal immigrants from Mexico retrace their routes, walk hundreds of miles through the Texas desert and head back to their home country.

A clean-shaven Osama bin laden who has been living under cover in New York and working as a conservative radio talk show host decides it is too risky in America and charters a plane to Iraq.

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Meanwhile, the world leaders pick Kenyan President Mwai Kibaki- based on his own experience early in the year- to lead peace talks in America.

In the meantime, Kenya’s Foreign Affairs Minister Moses Wetangula issues a travel advisory against America and other African countries follow suit.

Speaking from North Korea where he is on official duty, Wetangula declares that the US elections fell short of international standards, warning that America should not expect business-as-usual with Kenya unless the democratic will of the people of America is respected.

Three days after the electoral fiasco, the American society is grinding to a halt. African immigrants who have been working as taxi drivers, gas station attendants and janitors keep off work in solidarity with Obama.

Americans are also going without cheese burgers and French fries because the immigrant workers at McDonalds, Subway, Burger King and other fast food restaurants have all relocated to their home countries. Snoop Doggy Dog traces his ancestry to Kampi ya Moto in Eldama Ravine and flies to Nairobi.

China, following Kenya’s example, bans all its exports to America. The shops manufacturing Nike shoes and lead-laced Barbie dolls are all closed, causing another humanitarian crisis; millions of twelve and thirteen year-olds are out on the streets jobless in China.

McCain, in his first edict as the President, orders the removal of the word “democracy” from all federal documents.

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