1. WORKING SO HARD AT YOUR JOB/BUSINESS BUT NOT IN YOUR MARRIAGE
Men, your company, your career, your business is growing and flourishing because you lead it; your marriage will grow and flourish when you lead it and dedicate time to it.
2. THINKING THAT FLIRTING WITH OTHER WOMEN IS NOT CHEATING
You may not physically sleep with other women but emotionally cheating is also unfaithfulness. Receiving nude images and having phone sex with other women is also cheating. Talking suggestively and attracting temptations is also cheating. If you are a flirt, flirt with your wife. If you claim your wife is too rigid, treat her well and she will respond to your kinky ways. She also wants sexual pleasure and to feel wanted.
3. BEING GENEROUS OUTSIDE AND STINGY AT HOME
Don’t be the husband who quickly says yes when other people ask for help, for your time and your money; but stingy to your wife and child/children. Your family comes first. Don’t go to harambees contributing large sums, helping out people because you want to have a good public image yet to your family you deprive and deny.
4. THINKING THAT SHOWING LOVE IS AN UNMANLY THING
When you were dating and courting you were romantic and thoughtful; but now that you are married you wrongly think showing love is beneath you. If you truly love your wife, tell her, she needs to hear it. Warm her heart. Romance her. Date your wife. Her being a wife doesn’t mean she doesn’t need to feel loved. Real men show their love. God is a loving God. If God doesn’t find showing love as something beneath Him, who are you to shun showing affection yet you are created in the image of God?
5. THROWING MONEY AND GIFTS AT PROBLEMS
When your wife and kids get concerned about you spending much time away from home, when you are told you are not doing what you are supposed to; change, improve. Don’t throw money and gifts at them to silence them. They want your time and presence, not lifeless things.
6. ADMIRING OTHER WOMEN MORE THAN YOUR WIFE
If you find other women better looking than your wife, work on your wife. Nourish her with compliments, buy her clothes you think she’d look good in, take her shopping, pamper her, love her up till she glows. Go to the gym with her. Jog with her.
7. WASTING YOUR FAMILY MONEY ON MEANINGLESS THINGS
Stop wasting your family money on alcohol, drugs, prostitutes, strippers, addictions. Invest that money in your family, the future of your child/children. Even if you are a super wealthy man, you can find other ways to have fun that contributes positively to your family life. You can channel your money into more honourable things like supporting your parents, your siblings, the less fortunate, the needs of society. You don’t have to be unfaithful and reckless just because you have lots of money.
8. JUSTIFYING PORNOGRAPHY
Pornography is lusting after other women on videos and images. This is actually cheating because you are desiring other women not your wife. This also lays the ground for future acts of unfaithfulness. Because you see no harm desiring strange women on videos and pictures, soon you will see no harm desiring women in the streets, at work, in your neighbourhood; then you might actually sleep with another woman.
9. THINKING THAT BEING THE HEAD OF THE FAMILY MEANS BEING A DICTATOR
This is what makes some husbands to beat up their wives, abuse them, sit on them and hinder their progress. Your wife is not your junior but your partner, she is one with you. Hurting her is hurting you. She is not your competitor, celebrate her progress. Being head doesn’t mean your word is law or that you treat your wife as a slave. In fact, because you are the head you should serve more, give more and humble yourself to make sure your wife and child/children are doing well.
10. IGNORING YOUR WIFE’S ADVICE
Don’t hide things from your wife. Engage her in making family decisions, you are stronger when you move as a team. Your wife has sharp instincts and she will help you navigate through life’s issues.
11. BEING TOO PROUD TO SAY SORRY OR TO LISTEN
You are capable of doing wrong, when you do wrong, admit it. Problems don’t get solved when you deny them. You are not perfect. Learn to say sorry to your wife and child/children. By refusing to say sorry, you are showing your wife you are insensitive and that will hurt her and damage the mood at home. Sometimes all a woman needs is for you to say “I am sorry”. Be open to learn and to be corrected. Far too many men are ruining their homes because of pride.
12. TAKING YOUR JOB TITLE HOME
Whether you are a C.E.O, Manager, Director or an award winning professional, once you get home or when with your wife and family, put away your title. Play your role as husband and father. Don’t treat your wife and children like subordinates lording over them. The home is a place of love, not a place for orders, restrictions, pressure and intimidation.
13. HIDING YOUR FAILURES
Incase things don’t go well, you get fired, you get retrenched, you make a bad decision; share it with your wife, don’t hide it trying to project a fake image of ‘Everything is alright’. Your wife is there for you, she will walk with you. Share with her your weaknesses and failures. Love will always win.
14. DON’T BE SEXUALLY SELFISH
Your wife has sexual needs too. Don’t sex her, get your cum then sleep or leave her hanging. Satisfy her sexually. Lick her, touch her, kiss her, massage her, suck her nipples, explore her body, make her sweat, make her tremble, make her feel all the sexual sensations possible. She is faithful to you, no other man has the chance to do this so do it well. Satisfy her and she will satisfy you. It is your role to make her wet and well fed sexually. A sexed-up wife is a happy wife and makes a happy home. Make love to her.
15. DON’T LET HER BE THE PARENT ALONE
When she gets pregnant, don’t abandon her. Walk with her as she carries your child. After birth, be pro-active in teaching, mentoring and guiding your child/children. Stop the nonsense of when the child does wrong, the child is your wife’s; when the child does well, you are a proud father.
© Akello Oliech and Dayan Masinde