7 Signs You Are a Man With Daddy Issues

Ladies, have you ever met a guy who made the first move on you and once he got your attention he passed on the baton to you to do all the heavy lifting of chasing after him and looking for him? The AUDACITY! Right?
Or a guy who very early on in the “getting to know each other” phase of a relationship just doesn’t pay keen attention to whatever you say, never remembers mundane details about you that you shared with him, never follows through with anything without being reminded over and over again, has limited empathy towards you and your problems and is just not present for your interactions… yet they claim to like you?

Or a guy who is just plain mean with his emotions, reveals very little about himself or his past broken relationships, never compliments you on anything and ghosts you when you show signs of being ready to go all in?

Or a man who tries way too hard to win the affection or acceptance from his dad but always comes up empty.

Or a man who does not speak about his dad at all (yet he has a dad who is alive and well) and does not like being likened to his dad at all?

Ugh! I could go and on, because sadly this is the main relational scene with our Kenyan men where as a woman wanting to be in a relationship that’s working, you are put through hard times even before you really get into that relationship… Sigh!

Men, is the guy described above, you? Well, you might be having some serious Daddy issues. Well, that or some other form of psychological or personality issues.

It is always so obvious to see how many people have strained relationships with their fathers as is the case every year on Father’s day where we see very few posts on fathers being praised about being great dads, whereas on Mother’s day we get to see endless posts of the same people praising their mothers.

When we hear “Daddy issues” (a term usually thrown around casually) we often think it is only women who have them but surprise, surprise both men and women can have mommy or daddy issues. Mommy or Daddy issues are the psychological effects lasting into adulthood that are caused by childhood relationships with a mother or father.


Let’s have a look at men with daddy issues…

Picture depicting a healthy father-son relationship. If you had a strained or non-existent relationship with your dad, it would mean that you never had happy moments with your dad as is the case with the duo in this picture.

Depending on the kind of relationship a man had with his father when he was kid will determine whether he has daddy issues or not.

Some possible causes of daddy issues in an adult

Daddy issues in an adult man can manifest from the following family scenarios:

•Growing up in a family with a father who left the family or was mostly absent.

•Growing up in a family with a father who was emotionally or physically abusive.

•Growing up in a family where the father was mean with his emotions and therefore wasn’t loving or nurturing.

•Growing up in a family where the father is extremely overbearing.

•Growing up in a family where the father treated the mother poorly.

The boy child ‘s way of coping with the situation of the kind of family he grew up in and may make him develop dysfunctional coping habits.

These habits are the signs that you’re a man with Daddy issues:

You’re aloof

This shows up by how you always choose to focus your mind on things other than what’s going on in your relationships. You always miss cues generously dished out by those around you trying to tell you that your relationships need your attention. Your partner may always complain about being last in your list of priorities. She is the most neglected of the people in your life.

You relationship priorities are “warped”

You value your relationship with your mother or your sisters more than your spouse, instead of realizing and striking the right relational balance between the two important women in your life. For example, you may blow off helping your wife/partner to go and be there for your mother yet there are other people (in a much better position than you) who can be there for your mother.

You’re unconcerned

You find that it is difficult for you to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes because you’re not comfortable in your own shoes. You find it impossible to relate to others experiences emotionally. What concerns you most is how something impacts you and would care less about other people.

You’re disrespectful

You don’t mean to be rude and disrespectful, but you just are. You just don’t have a clue how to show respect because it’s your world and only your feelings matter.

You’re commitment-phobic

You learned early in life not to rely on people. They were always unreliable. They always let you down, and that wounded you. So to avoid being hurt again, you avoid making commitments. When a woman starts falling for you, you panic and ghost them or sabotage your relationship with them by doing something stupid.

You’re unaffectionate and very emotionally unavailable

You never received loving physical touch as a child and if you were touched at all as a child, it was to have the crap beaten out of you. Showing affection by touching someone doesn’t come naturally for you and feels really awkward. Same as telling someone you love them… you were never told you were loved and so it is very awkward for you to tell a woman you love them as it makes you feel too vulnerable.

You’re irresponsible and extremely defensive

So, it seems like you were never able to figure out how to do things right. It seemed like the rules always changed and you were always in the wrong. Rather than be blamed for things going wrong when you do everything to try to get them right, it’s easier for you to always blame someone else.

There’s hope to heal your daddy issues.

What you should do if you have Daddy Issues

Mommy and daddy issues are issues that are deeply rooted -they originated because of ongoing behavior that happened at the most crucial stage in your life- they can be quite difficult to unpack. It is possible that you’ve buried some of these memories, or tried to ignore past trauma but it is important to know that ignoring the feelings you have surrounding your childhood and your parents is only going to make it harder to get beyond the struggles you’re facing in life and in your relationships.

Mental health professionals insist that taking the time to understand, process, and work through the unresolved grievances and feelings we have about our parents is essential as healing ourselves will give us the ability to have healthy partnerships that are equal and fulfilling. And therapy is it!

Therapy for anyone who needs help discussing their past and childhood relationships. You will need a professional who will be able to help you unpack your emotions and process them in a healthy way, as well as teach you to cope with the emotions, allowing you to work towards having better, healthier relationships and consequently better quality of life.
Having daddy or mommy issues is not your fault. Therefore, there’s no need to be ashamed of dealing with these challenges, or embarrassed about going to therapy for it. You didn’t choose the family you’re born into. You can’t hand pick your birth mother or father.

Remember that with hard work, you can move past the issues and have loving, fulfilling, romantic relationships.

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