Marriage is a good thing, but don’t lose sight of the bigger picture

It is wonderful to desire love, wonderful to marry the person you love and wonderful to grow a fruitful marriage; but stay focused.

black couple

1. So many single people are not living up to their full potential, they are postponing their greatness and procrastinating on their destiny because they wrongly believe that life will begin when they have a lover and get married. They are obsessed about getting married that years are passing by wasted away, years where they could have invested in being great individuals. They feel they are less successful, less fulfilled because they are not married; marriage is not your saviour, getting married will not usher in a better side of you that didn’t exist, it will only magnify the person you already are; if you are great as an individual, you will be great when married; if you are average and mediocre as an individual, you will be average and mediocre in marriage.

2. So many single people are aiming marriage so much that they desperately commit to someone who shows to them the slightest hint of interest. They jump quickly into a relationship as soon as a suitor comes who looks marriage ready or seems “grown up”. The aim is so blinded that they don’t notice the red flags and the clear signs that the relationship they rushed into is not the right one. Months later, they break up and end that wrong relationship then they jump into another that comes with a semblance of marriage, the cycle continues. Eventually, years are wasted in wrong relationships, the heart gets tired, faith in marriage dwindles and maybe the desire for marriage gets killed. The blind aiming becomes a source of self-inflicted pain. It is good to desire marriage but be wise in your decisions. Marriage is not an emergency but a conscious wise decision made with a lot of discernment and vision.

3. So many single people get into a right and good relationship, a wonderful suitor comes their way, they connect so well; but then the process of dating is complicated and doesn’t get to be enjoyed because one or both people in the relationship want to rush into getting married. Relax; stop rushing the growth of love, your current love is not of less value just because you aren’t married yet. It’s good to desire marriage but not to the extent that you miss out on the beauty of how a friend becomes someone you like, someone you like becomes a lover, a lover becomes a fiancé, and a fiancé becomes a husband/wife. You are not only blessed when you get married, you are blessed even on the road to getting married. Be patient and enjoy the journey. Marriage is not a goal with a deadline, marriage is a state of commitment you grow into; it is not the end, but the continuation of a love that started way before marriage. Don’t chase after the status of marriage that you fail to see how fortunate you are to have someone walking with you daily.

Solange Knowles and Alan Ferguson arrive at their wedding on white bicycles.

4. So many married people used to be high achievers, purposeful, hardworking, a blessing to many; but now that they are married, they no longer are as impactful or productive. Their entire life grinds to a halt in the name of marriage. They had big dreams before marriage but nowadays they no longer dream, they were good to their friends before marriage but nowadays they are so negative and absent, they had a bright future before marriage but nowadays the best of them lies in yesterday, they had books to write but will die unwritten, they could have changed the world but now they hide in marriage, they had ideas that could have changed lives but now their life is all about the home. Yes, it is good to focus on your marriage, to raise your children, being a spouse and a parent is a full time job; but there is more to you than marriage. God created you for a reason greater than marriage, the breath you breathe is worth much more, out there are problems that need your solving, God intended to bless more lives than those of your family. Arise; don’t let your dreams die. You can be successful as a spouse, a parent and still be successful in living out your individual purpose. A lot of education was invested in you, a lot of wisdom is tucked in you, you will not live forever on earth, and there is more to you than marriage, so much more to live for. Don’t die with your contribution to the world using marriage as an excuse, you have been given the grace to do more, you can arise to more than you settle for yourself.

5. So many married people used to be faithful to God, they prayed to God to give them a good marriage; God was faithful and blessed them with a wonderful marriage. But now that they have a wonderful marriage, they have forsaken God. They are too busy for God because they are too busy being a sexy and sweet spouse and a good parent. In as much as you love your spouse and children, they should never take the place of God. Love God and then your marriage falls in the love you have for God, not out of it. God is the bigger picture; marriage is but a blessing from the Blesser who is the bigger picture. What good is it to gain a good marriage; then in the end, lose out on God?

6. There are many whose marriages have not turned out great despite all the hopes they had for marriage and all their efforts. Perhaps they are divorced, separated or still married but feeling lost. Yes, it is sad that your marriage is not working out, maybe you are trying to work it out or maybe it is the end, that marriage is dead. Whatever the case, stop walking around like you are the biggest loser in life, stop drowning in pity, stop playing the victim card. There is more to you than getting married; you have been blessed in so many ways even if the blessing of marriage does not last. You have health, wisdom, life, maybe a child/children from that marriage, experience, destiny, and potential; you have so much going on for you. Don’t cancel all your other blessings just because the bond you had with one person sadly got messed up. There are so many other people in this life who need you to be the best: you have your child/children, your family, your colleagues, your friends, the many lives you ought to touch. Feeling like a failure and beating yourself up will not bring the marriage back to life. The world is moving on but you are locking yourself in a prison as you decorate the key that is to open the lock out of your prison. You were a complete, amazing, blessed individual before you got married; you are still a complete, amazing, blessed individual even with the sad collapse of the marriage.

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