Many women complain that their men don’t get them or don’t listen to whatever they say. They say the man is being difficult. Sadly, the woman gives up and the issue grows and becomes destructive especially when the woman retreats to her own corner, becomes combative and tries everything to show the man is to blame.
But lady, your man probably doesn’t listen or doesn’t cooperate much or becomes hard to work with because of how you approach him. It is not just about talking, but talking right; not just about communication, but good communication.
Lady, these are suggestions on how to engage him.
1. “Watch your tone”
When a woman is upset or frustrated, her tone easily becomes sharp, attacking, full of shouting and coldness. A man doesn’t like engaging such a tone. Approach him with peace, and the issue will be resolved in peace.
2. “Watch your eyes”
Men repel condescending eyes.
3. “Don’t engage him when he is drunk”
If your man/husband is intoxicated, don’t bother yourself to talk serious issues or even pleading with him to stop drinking. Wait till he is sober to have a meaningful talk.
4. “Don’t confront him in front of your child/children”
In front of the kids, laugh, smile, show unity and when it’s just you and him, then talk about the issue.
5. “Don’t accuse him falsely”
Many women do this. This is the easiest way to make him feel unappreciated and to break the delicate fabric of trust between you two. Before you jump into conclusions, ask him questions politely. Talk with facts. Don’t interrogate, politely ask.
6. “Don’t cause a scene”
A man loses respect for a woman who causes a scene in public or in front of family or friends.
7. “Soothe him”
If you want to introduce a topic that has been bothering you, hold on to it. Prepare him his favorite meal, do things that make him feel good, while he is in a good mood, lovingly introduce the issue for discussion.
8. “Be in control of your emotions”
If the issue is heavy, be prepared for a conversation that will be heavy on your heart.
9. “No insults”
Watch your tongue. Keep calm. Insulting him or parading his weaknesses and past mistakes will complicate things. You need him to know you are on the same team.
10. “Don’t introduce other people’s opinion”
Don’t tell him things like ‘Even my mum thinks you should…’, ‘My friend Kajwang who is a man thinks we should…”, “Zamira says her husband…” Don’t show him you talk about your personal issues with outsiders. Don’t show him you value other people’s opinion more than his. Don’t show him your motivation is based on comparing you two with other couples.
11. “Boost his ego”
Appreciate him more than you criticize him. If you want a man to grow in doing good, praise him for the good he does big and small. When you make him feel like a hero each time he pleases you, he will love pleasing you and will listen more.
12. “Don’t boy him”
Don’t talk down at him. He should never feel disrespected by the woman he has committed to. He hates it when you baby-sit him.
13. “Don’t talk at him”
Talk with him. Give him time to speak, don’t run your mouth. It should be a conversation, not an order.
14. “Talk after making love”
You can choose to talk about the issue immediately after making love. At that time, both of you are feeling most in love. Talk intimately and peacefully about the issue, he is so receptive to all you say at that time.
15. “Take him on a date”
Or you can take him to a place outside home where he will be more conscious of his demeanor in public. An outside setting also breaks the monotony of home. Talk about the issue over a date.
16. “Don’t make him feel uneasy”
Men get unsettled by the words ‘We need to talk’. Ease off the pressure by not putting him on the hot seat.
17. “Don’t push him”
Don’t pressure him to conclude the issue. If he needs time to think through what you have talked with him about, give him time. Sometimes a man needs to arrange his thoughts in his “me” time. You have had ample time to think about the issue, probably more time than him.
18. “Be flexible”
Perhaps after you talk, he might not see things your way or the outcome may not be as you anticipated. Don’t have a fixed mind, you two have to come to a joint agreement. Some times also you will need to exercise patience.