Have you noticed the alarming rate at which marriages are failing lately? Dayan Masinde lets you in on the reasons why this is the sad situation…
1. “Wrong choices”
If you marry the wrong person you will end up with the wrong marriage.
2. “Marrying for the wrong reasons”
Why are you two getting married? Is it because you love and need each other or because you were pressured to get married, you want social status, you want to be like your peers, you are scared you are aging, you are desperate, you had a child together? The wrong motive yields frustrating outcomes.
3. “A culture in a rush”
We live in a culture of quick fix, some rush into marriage and what could have been a great love suffers disjointed growth, the foundation is not properly laid. You may meet the right person but mess it because of haste.
4. “Mismanaged expectations”
Marriage is not a bed of roses, there will be ups and downs; emotional, physical, financial, sexual and social challenges. If you are not prepared, marriage will take a toll on you. Pre-marital counseling or sufficient agreement on key matters before getting married helps you two navigate your marriage.
5. “A dangerous dating scene”
The dating scene today can be dangerous, people have become superficial, wary, suspicious and cunning. The dating scene has left many empty, bitter and confused. If you have not healed from the drama of this dating scene you will carry your baggage into marriage darkening your home.
6. “Public attack on marriage”
There has been a lot of public mockery on the institution of marriage. Many no longer believe in love or marriage yet they will come celebrate with you on a colourful wedding. If you pay attention to this unbelief and mockery you will also start losing faith in your marriage. Be ready to defend your love in a lost world.
7. “Poor communication skills”
Two people can love each other, get married and yet not know how to communicate. Do you know how to relate, how to live in the same house with another? Poor communication breeds misunderstandings and pointless conflicts.
8. “Peer pressure”
Wrong friends can have a negative influence on you. You want to make your marriage work but your friends distract you or tell you you’re too soft, too nice, too sat on by your spouse. To please your friends you wreck your home.
9. “Lack of discipline”
Marriage will have its challenges. If you are not disciplined and get veered off easily, you will give up when the going gets tough. Be disciplined and you will enjoy love.
10. “Weak morals and character”
Marriage, love is not for the morally bankrupt. It takes character, doing good and the pursuit of a better you to be a great spouse and parent.
11. “Increase in selfishness”
You cannot love and be selfish at the same time. You cannot build a marriage with someone but only be thinking about yourself and your needs.
12. “Glossy temptations”
We live in the era when cheating and not being loyal is glorified and sang about. The era of sleeping around is made to appear as the norm. An era where porn shapes our sexuality, casual sex is Ok, covering up unfaithfulness is easy, cheating over the phone and internet is easy and private, many women don’t mind stealing husbands, many men play and it’s cool, an era of seductive clothing; if one is weak, it is easy to fall.
Many couples fail to prepare for the changes that happen when a child/children come into their home, and so the child/children that should be a blessing become a source of tension. The two loved each other when they got married, but once parenthood began, their love and warmth in the home suffers; he feels she has neglected him, she feels he is not doing enough.
14. “Lack of children”
Some marriages suffer because the couple can’t have children no matter how hard they try. They fail to realize children are a gift and not a right in marriage.
Religion is such a personal thing, when the two are strong in faith and the two are of different faiths; it will be difficult to govern the marriage. The conflict in faith will affect almost all perceptions and focus. They can’t pray together or worship together, making attempts not to interfere with each other’s space.
Secrets that emerge in marriage can be harmful to the home, especially when you realize your spouse deliberately kept something from you so important and major. Trust issues emerge.
Yes, living in the same house, doing the same thing year in year out can be boring; you need to spice up your marriage. It is difficult to get bored when you marry your best friend, when you both keep yourself attractive, when you both get to try out new things as a couple.
18. “Pathetic sex life”
If you cannot enjoy sex in your marriage, where will you enjoy sex? A healthy sex life is crucial in marriage.
His family and her family if allowed to can knowingly or unknowingly mess up the marriage. Love your parents but don’t allow them to damage your home.
It is important to marry someone you are compatible with intellectually, emotionally, sexually. Compatibility keeps the connection going so you don’t struggle. Sometimes a couple can start on the same page and then years down the line they drift apart, one advances more than the other and they no longer have things in common.
21. “Poor conflict resolutions”
There will be arguments, misunderstandings, bad days, foul moods and moments you two offend each other or fall short. If you don’t agree on how to handle such moments and do as agreed, your marriage is in trouble.
The lack of, scarcity of, or abundance of money; the misuse or abuse of money can lead to problems in marriage. View money as a tool and means to love, acquire and use this tool wisely.
23. “Straying away from God”
If the Lord doesn’t build a home, they labour in vain them that build it. Marriage is God’s idea. Perhaps too many marriages are falling or decaying because we have neglected God. Evidence shows that when man and wife submit to God and God reigns in the marriage, the marriage is strong and fruitful.
24. “Lack of role models”
We have a shortage of good husbands and wives in society to look up to. We need more fruitful marriages to prove to us marriage works, so that even when our own marriage is threatened, we look at the model marriages and get inspired to work on our marriage.
25. “A generation of broken families”
Alot of us in our generation grew up in broken homes, homes full of domestic violence, single parenthood homes due to circumstance caused by love gone bad; and so we lacked being exposed to what true love between man and woman looks like. We grew up confused and looking for our own definition of love and so we try to build whole homes because we don’t want a broken home like the one we came from. Sometimes we fail because wholeness was not what we were exposed to.
26. “Hurting people hurting others”
There are many hurting people in this world. Hurt by their childhood, by their parents, by rapists, by a bully, by the marketplace, by society, by their own failures; they take this hurt into their marriage. Heal my friend, heal; or else you will walk around hurting your spouse, your children and the people around you.
27. “Opportunistic spouses”
Some marry to exploit someone, to get someone’s wealth or privileges. These opportunistic people will have no use for the marriage once they get what they want.
28. “Lack of a support system”
Each marriage needs a support system of friends and family to help the marriage stand. People who are happy for you and your spouse and encourage you two to make it work.