Stage #3 Maturity

Characteristics: product is well established, consumer satisfaction, growth slows down.

By the time you reach the maturity stage the feelings of infatuation have worn off to something more comfortable and familiar. You’re used to your person and you don’t mind them seeing you unbathed or with your sleeping doek on your head. You’re definitely ‘together’, the relationship is stable and you guys are ‘going’ steady.

You’re not marketing yourself anymore and you know each other’s rhythms well.

This is the peak of the relationship

You’re not marketing yourself anymore and you know each other’s rhythms well. It’s also the time when there is little growth and when it is most vulnerable to competition. A lot of people spend too much time at this stage, these are the people who date for 8 years.

What it should look like

When a dating/ courtship relationship reaches maturity you both should be ready to be engaged and then married. Don’t continue in a relationship where you have doubts about a guy’s character or there have been serious issues springing up. Ask yourself questions like: Do I see myself with this man for the rest of my life? Would I be happy with him being the father of my children?

Would I be happy with him being the father of my children?

By this time you’ve both grown in emotional and spiritual intimacy

But you still shouldn’t be sleeping with each other. The reason why is because sex is a covenant good not a consumer good (Tim Keller). When you have sex with someone in marriage it becomes an affirmation of what you’re doing with the rest of your life – laying it down and opening it up to them. Sex with your boyfriend just doesn’t bear that same significance that a legal marriage has. He’s still keeping certain parts of him to himself and so are you; it’s not a 100% legal commitment. Get married!

Stage #4 Decline

Characteristics: fall in sales, change in consumer wants and needs

What you thought was cute at the development stage is irritating at maturity. You become more aware of what you are giving up for this person and you start asking the question, What if? What if you’d gone for the Engineer who was calling you constantly last year? What would that be like?

You both start growing apart and you don’t want what you thought you wanted three years before. You’ve changed but the relationship is still the same. You think it’s unfair to keep up a lie and your eyes start to wonder. You’re both different people who want different things in life, it’s not them; it’s you. And even though you know in your heart what’s going on, it’s difficult to put it into words.

You’ve changed but the relationship is still the same. You think it’s unfair to keep up a lie and your eyes start to wonder.

What it should look like:

In a marriage this is when your person’s morning breath kills all their sexiness and you’re arguing about money and everything else there is to argue about. Also, you get attracted to other people and your relationship is vulnerable. My married friends tell me that this is normal.

The difference is that when you’re married to someone you have legally binding and lifelong commitment with them. You have an obligation to fight for your marriage and defend it against its enemies. You have to work to work it out because you have so much more to lose. That kind of obligation just isn’t there when a person is your boyfriend.

Relationships were never made to be transactional and sex is not a consumer good. The hook-up/break-up cycle deprives us of the benefit of committed relationships and they really hurt!

I’d love to know what you think. Do you agree or disagree?