2. His phone, laptop and computer
Watch how your man behaves with these three things. Especially his phone. Does he password protect everything?
My ex was so secretive and shady with his phone. I wasn’t allowed to go near it. In the 10 years that we were together, I never answered his phone. Not even once.
Use his laptop? Didn’t happen.
On the two occasions that I managed to get hold of his phone (once behind his back and the other time I snatched it from him), I was devastated by what I found. Somehow he would always have a story to ‘back him up’. Not that I ever fully believed him, but he was so good at creating ‘grey areas’, that I would doubt myself.
If I asked to see his phone bill, again, I was made to feel like I was a crazy, insecure woman.
Cheaters ALWAYS turn things around.
A man who is not guilty of cheating and who really loves you, would say something like, ‘Baby, I am not cheating on you. Here, look through my phone, look at my itemised billing, go through my emails – whatever you need. I am sorry you have been feeling this way, but I really have nothing to hide’.
My current partner leaves his phone lying around all over the house. If it rings and he can’t get to it, he asks me to please go answer it. He has asked me on more than one occasion to please check who just messaged him. I do not need to ask to use his iPad – I can just pick it up and use it.
Remember this: A person who has nothing to hide – hides nothing!
3. His appearance
I left this for last, because it is a tricky one. Men have as much right as women to want to look and feel their best. So if your man decides to go on diet and join the gym, you cannot automatically assume he is cheating on you.
All I know, from my own personal experience, is that my man became obsessed with getting a six-pack, with eating really healthily and all that jazz. Even though he was already into gym, he started taking it to another level.
Guess with whom he was cheating on me? A dancer and also very into the whole exercise / gym vibe.
He cheated. What should you do?
Nobody can tell you what your next move should be once you find out and everyone’s situation is different.
I tried everything. Revenge? Of course! Did it work? Sort of. He was on his best behaviour for a good few months after I ‘got him back’ for cheating on me. Would I recommend it? Definitely not.
Couples therapy? Been there, done that. Did it work? For a while only. He reverted to his old ways eventually.
Breaking up with him, ignoring him for weeks only to take him back? I did this more times than I can count. It does not work. It makes you crazy.
You eventually become so ‘addicted’ to the relationship, with trying to ‘fix’ him, with trying to prove to everyone that you can make it work. Trust me, it never works.
It took me a decade to realise that even with all the mayonnaise in the world, you can’t make chicken salad out of chicken sh*t.