By Debbie Harrower
Before I met the most amazing man just over a year ago, I had had only two previous relationships. Both were long term and both were with men much older than I. They both cheated on me.
The first guy cheated on me with one of my friends. We had been going out for about three years. I was so young, that only after I had found out (she came clean after one too many drinks) could I look back and see all the signs. While I was in the thick of things, I thought everything was fine between us. So naive.
My second relationship lasted 10 years. I met him when I was 20 and we broke up when I was 30. I spent what everyone calls ‘the best years of your life’ in such a messy relationship. Looking back I cringe to know that my self-worth was so low that I accepted such bad behaviour from someone who claimed to love me. Was he all bad? No, far from it. That is why I stayed for so long. I saw the good in him. But that man just could not help lying and cheating.
Do I have any regrets? Definitely not. Those relationships, especially the last one, taught me a lot. I now know exactly what I want, need and expect from my partner. I know what I will and will not tolerate.
Above all, I know my worth. I am a really good woman and I deserve to be treated with love, kindness and respect. We all do. Please never forget that. We are women and we are all queens!
So, is your partner cheating?
Look, he really could be working late. He could be dressing up for you – or for his ‘bit on the side’. It’s so confusing, but there are a few things that should make you sit up and take notice.
Here are my top three signs….
1. Women’s intuition
That nagging, sick feeling in your belly… that feeling that tells you something just isn’t quite right? LISTEN TO IT! Don’t ever ignore this and NEVER feel bad to sit your man down and talk about it.
Do not send him a message saying ‘we need to talk’.
Rather, wait for him to get home and wind down from his day at work and then speak calmly to him. Explain how you are feeling ‘uneasy’ about the way he has been behaving (late nights or whatever it is that has alerted your intuition), and ask him directly what you want to know.
Let me give you an example:
“I know you are always really busy with work, but lately you are working on Friday and Saturday nights. You never used to and you are getting home in the early hours of the morning. Something just doesn’t feel right to me. Are you seeing someone else or is there anything else going on that I should know about?”
His reaction will tell you a lot…
A man who gets defensive, starts shouting and making you feel like you are crazy for even bringing something like that up… in my experience… that is a man with something to hide.