6. Make time for intimacy (even if you sometimes don’t feel like it)
Often when couples feel distance between them, and then start to pick on each other, and get snappy and sarcastic, they need to stop and look at the reasons behind the cold spell. Many times one – or both – partners are feeling unloved and insecure because weeks have passed without intimacy in the bedroom.
Don’t underestimate this aspect of your marriage or relationship: it’s one one of the most important ways couples connect emotionally.
7. Be big enough to say sorry (And be ready to accept their apology too)
If you’ve had a rip-roaring fight and cried yourself to sleep in the spare room, don’t let your partner leave for work the next day without telling him you’re sorry (if you started the fight and it’s your fault of course).
And if he’s the one in the wrong, let him know you want to resolve things. Maybe he’ll be brave enough to apologise if he sees that you’re open to talking.
8. Check in with each other during the day
My husband told me after more than 10 years of marriage that he’s hurt that I never call him or email him just to ask how he is or how his day is going, and that he only hears from me if I need advice on a domestic or parenting issue. I was shocked: it hadn’t really crossed my mind that he needed to hear from me during the day. I thought it would interrupt him and my day is so busy, that time just flies by.
Now I check in with him at least once a day – so it’s not only him making the effort.
9. Kiss hello and goodbye
Stop what you’re doing to kiss your partner hello and goodbye every day. It shows each other that you’re each worth a three second disruption in the breakfast/homework/cooking routine.
10. Make an effort so they remember why they married you
I’m not saying you need to be fully made up and ready with the beer and slippers when your partner gets home – after all, being comfortable in a relationship means that you can hang out in a tracksuit with no makeup in the home you share.
But marriage or a relationship doesn’t give you the right to turn into a complete slag either: take a shower if you’re really sweaty and smelly after gym, and toss the snotty tissues surrounding you if you’ve been in bed with a cold all day.
Make these little gestures part of your relationship and you’ll keep the fires burning – happily ever after!