Transforming joyless sex

4. Genital Fears

Fears about genitals are very common ‘my vagina is too flabby’, ‘my penis will be too small’, ‘I might not erect’ and this list is endless. Many of these fears have a factual misunderstanding in their roots. Example, a man knowing that his penis size has little to do with satisfying a woman sexually will make him stop worrying about his size but this pure factual knowledge is often not the total answer.


Appreciation of one’s genitals and their functions while accepting them, helps a great deal and one way to achieve these is not being afraid to look and touch them. No matter what you think your genitals are a beautiful part of you.

5. Fear of disappointing your partner

This fear can occur in the early days of a sexual relationship. Remember, not every sexual encounter goes off like a firework display every time. Living as we do in a society in which sex is no really linked to love, many people fear that sexual disappointment will make their partners not consider continue with the relationship. The answer to this fear is to discuss with your partner what he or she most enjoys, through talk, trial and error and this will make both of you explore and grow so that you have no fear of being disappointed.

 6. Performance fear

Discussing your fears together and reassuring each other helps, but more serious performance difficulties may need professional help to sort out, but in the mean time keep away from fears like ‘will I be as good as his/her other lover?’, ‘will I know what to do to turn her on?’

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