The Fundamentals Of Love


Relax, don’t panic. Don’t take the following as signs your relationship/ marriage is on the wrong:

1. “Your sexy spouse is not in the mood for sex”

Not every time you want sex your spouse will be ready to have sex. You might have made passionate love yesterday, but today your spouse is tired or with a lot in mind. Sometimes you have to get your spouse in the mood through seduction, especially seducing the woman who can take longer to arouse; but when a woman is horny, she gets really horny. Sometimes holding, cuddling, kissing is more appropriate than sex; but be concerned for your marriage when you two go for long without making love, no intimacy, no holding, no kissing yet you sleep on the same bed in your active libido years.

2. “Your partner/spouse talks on phone with someone”

You call your partner/spouse but find his/ her line engaged. Your partner/spouse talks on phone with someone for a while. Don’t be alarmed, the phone was meant for communication, your partner/spouse needs to communicate with not just you but with family, friends, colleagues, clients, investors and business people; but be concerned when each time the phone rings, your partner/spouse walks away from you, never tells you who called or is very secretive with the phone.

3. “You both like different things”

It is not everything you enjoy, your partner/spouse will enjoy too. You both have different tastes as individuals; she may not sit down to watch a full 90 minutes football match with him; he may not follow her favorite soap opera or be a big fan of her type of music. Compatibility doesn’t mean everything he likes she likes, you two are not copies of each other; compatibility means you two connect despite your differences. But be concerned if your partner/spouse no longer cares to see you happy or no longer bothers to understand and explore you.

4. ‘Your partner/spouse is too busy”

If you expect your partner/spouse to excel in career, to grow, to pursue his/her dreams; then accept that sometimes your partner/spouse will not have time or so much time for you as he/she would like. Sometimes you will have some free time but your partner/spouse will have a deadline, assignments, a deal to chase or a plan to execute. But be concerned when your partner/spouse is avoiding you, when you are no longer a priority to each other, when your partner/spouse doesn’t explain or prepare you when his/her week will get busy, when you constantly have to beg for attention.

5. “Your partner/spouse has a celebrity crush”

There will be that musician, actor, writer, motivational speaker, media personality who your partner/spouse will admire. That celebrity your spouse will talk highly of or even find good-looking. Relax, your partner/spouse doesn’t really like the celebrity as a person but as a brand, but it is you who is loved as a person, your partner/spouse knows you. Be concerned when your partner/spouse compares you with others yet downgrades you. Be concerned when your partner/spouse elevates and admires others yet undermines you.

6. “You two are silent”

Silence is not always a bad thing. Sometimes two people in love can be together and be silent, not every time they must talk with each other, some of the best conversations occur without speech. But be concerned when you feel you two are forcing conversations, when you two can’t stand each other and a cold climate engulfs your bond.

7. “Your partner/spouse forgets to do as promised”

As life gets more demanding, once in a while your partner/spouse might forget to do what he/she said will do, not deliberately but it just slipped from the mind. Sometimes some people have to be reminded, understand your partner/spouse. But be concerned when your partner/spouse is a habitual liar, unreliable, and constantly breaking promises without any remorse.

8. “Your partner/spouse forgets to say ‘I love you’ after a phone call”

Not every phone conversation between you two will be warm, not every text your partner/spouse sends you will be sweet, not every text you send will be quickly replied, not every time your partner/spouse will end a phone call or chat with the words “I love you”. Conversations are dynamic, never the same. Moods change. But be concerned when you sense harshness, boredom or insults in your conversations.

9. “Your partner/spouse is ever late”

Some people are poor time keepers. They will come late for a date, might be late for their wedding or be late because of taking too much time preparing. But once they show up you experience their awesome company and maybe they even get late for the next place they were to go to because they are busy spending time with you. Be concerned when your partner/spouse comes late to see you and leaves you too early without caring.

10. “You two have an argument”

You two will not always agree on everything, sometimes you will have to compromise. Some days you might have a debate or fight over an issue. What matters most is how you resolve it and how quickly you do so. Don’t let the day end mad at each other, make up, don’t carry forward your conflict. But be concerned when you keep fighting over the same thing, when the disagreements lead to physical abuse or an exchange of insults.

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