There are a lot of tricky moments that can make or break a new relationship. Some moments can even threaten to ruin the relationship before it ever has a chance to get serious.
You casually mention something in a reference to a “guy friend.” Perhaps it’s a restaurant, a story or even an experience. But when you mention a “guy friend,” most likely the guy you’re dating will be thingking “Guy friend?!? Who is this guy friend? Have you hooked up?”
Now this happens the other way too, of course. The guy you’re dating gets a SMS or a call and it’s from Shiro. After a quick cordial conversation, he hangs up, and you’re thinking “So who is Shiro? Is she someone that you’ve slept with before or what’s going on? Is she just a friend? Have you always just been friends? Is she attractive?”
We all have this sort of initial insecurity and territorial nature that immediately makes us question the opposite sex.
According to relationship expert Matthew Hussey, here are three tips to diffuse the “Did You Hook Up With Him” question:
1. Do Not Use The Other Person’s Language
If you’re asked, “Did you hook up with him?” don’t just answer “Yes” out of honesty and think you’re out of the weeds. When you just say “yes,” the other person only hears: “I hooked up with him.”
Use your own language instead to soften the language in your own way. Put it in your terms. For example, you say, “It wasn’t hooking up, we saw each other for a couple of months.” Now, they may be the same thing you’re saying but you’re using your language instead, which sounds less self-harming.
2. Be Bored of Guys From Your Past
Don’t say, “Oh that guy? He was an idiot, I can’t stand him.” Do not start dissing the guy from the past or talking badly about him. All it shows is how much you care, how much that guy was able to hurt you and still is in your head right now. As soon as he hears your anger he thinks, “Oh God, she really liked this guy.”
Instead, say something like “Yeah, you know we saw each other for a little bit. It’s so done. I’m so over it, and truthfully I don’t even want to be talking about it, it bores me.”
Being bored is the best reaction you can have to guys from your past. Not angry, not overly sentimental, just bored of it, because for a guy in your present that’s something that isn’t intimidating to him.
3. Make Him Feel Special
Say to him “Look, truthfully I’m with you now and I care a ton about you and you’re my only interest. I don’t care about anyone I’ve been with in the past, that’s not my interest right now, that’s boring to me. You’re who’s interesting to me because you’re who’s in my life right now and I want to put all of my attention on you.”
Always remember, kindness goes a long way. When the situation is reversed you want his sensitivity as well. If you’re insecure, if you’re jealous, if you’re going through something you also want his kindness as well, so be kind and make him feel special.