I once went on a date that lasted exactly 9.5 minutes and had I tolerated it for 30 more seconds I would’ve slapped that somebody’s son a good one. The ego on that man was the size of me. Fine! I agree I was late but I had a pretty valid explanation but before I could even sit my behind, the son of man started lecturing me on lateness (really? Had I wanted a lecture I’d have remained in class –where I was from by the way). After the lecture he decided he was going to order on my behalf (perhaps according to him I looked like I couldn’t read the menu) and after that he proceeded to tell me how everyone should have a lot of money so that they can take “girl’s who were constantly late” on dates to nice restaurants. The jerk then proceeded to tell me how he doesn’t like the idea of “girls nights out” and cannot for even a minute stand women who drink (my wine order was cancelled faster than I could ask why)…but the last straw came when he said he can beat a woman to bloody pulp if she was disrespectful!… I left so fast I almost went directly through the closed doors. I couldn’t wait to get away from that person.
Now, taking the above scenario into account, would you give such a person a chance? Would you be surprised to hear that such a guy had an arranged marriage with a woman from the village after several years of being single because that’s the only person who was unfortunate enough to have to tolerate him and therefore has to live unhappily ever after!
Anyway, have you ever wondered why you get dumped constantly? You meet a guy/girl, it goes well for the first couple of months then out of the blue you are dumped like a bad habit. If that has happened for the past three relationships you’ve been in…you need a change of game and fast.
It’s been said that you should never try to change yourself for anyone, but in some circumstances it is necessary. Nobody wants to be stuck with a person who doesn’t complement them at all.
So… you may need to change your game if:
You have a larger than life ego– If you and your values must always come first and you can never take anything anyone says or does, because according to you there’s none like you and you are better than everyone… an ego adjustment is really necessary.
You are nagging – If your vocabulary when talking to your partner is always like…I need, I want, You promised, You are so unfair…and constantly snapping and yelling instead of just talking like a normal person would, such that even your partner cannot live in peace.
You are the “too” jealous and over possessive type– If you dictate everything! From what your partner wears, to who she/he hangs out with, you insist on having all their passwords, hack into their social media accounts to see their activity, you check their phone constantly so that you can know what they are getting up to… in short, if you are a stalker , stop! because it’s creepy and no one likes stalkers anyway.This makes your partner to live in fear and it’s not fair.
You are Boring– Mostly, this can’t be helped as in most cases nobody will ever think of themselves as boring. But if there are hints here and there that other people find you boring, then your game must change. Try and change some things about yourself and your extra-curricular activities. You may want to try new things like if you like reading the paper and watching news the whole day for fun …try the outdoors for a change! Learn to be creative. How? Read about it in novels, magazines, watch movies…do the necessary! If not, find someone who is like you because maybe then you’ll find each other “fun” and compatible.
You are too much of an adventurous soul– If you have excess energy and want your partner to take up the activities you like on a daily…sometimes it’s good to just chill and take a breather together. Tone down the adventure a bit, it might help.
You are Stingy– When everything to you is a luxury, even soap, then there’s a problem. If you won’t spoil your partner even on his/her birthday then you are better off living in the bush with wild animals because there, even clothes are a luxury.
You are Closed minded- You are never open to anything your partner or friends (if you have any) suggest based on what you believe and know is the right way. Be warned though, nobody likes hanging out with a closed minded person…at least know what to take in and what not to…but don’t say no to everything.
You are emotionally closed– You never share anything with your partner. Your partner is always in the dark on what’s happening in your life. He/she never knows what you are going through, whether they should be there for you more or whether they should give you space. Let your partner in at least and SHARE!! No one can read minds, or hearts…
You have Grooming issues/ bad breath/ smelly feet/ fart a lot/ untidy- Just work on your grooming. Don’t take it personally when someone points it out. Take it positively as it could save your relationships.
You are a substance abuser- Your judgment is always impaired because you are always in oblivion. You never remember important things or events because you are constantly thinking about your first love…the bottle or that container containing your choice substance!
You are a Teetotaler and want to be with someone who is not– If you do not drink and you hook up with someone who loves his/her drink and you expect them to change for you…then you are mistaken. If you are a teetotaler, go for a teetotaler like yourself. An exception should only be made when you honestly don’t mind the other person’s drinking habits.
You are a sex addict– Too much sex can be just plain bad especially if you want it all the time, all day. Try and seek help maybe?
You are a Chauvinistic pig– You won’t help around because that’s a woman’s job! You won’t even hold the baby for two seconds while food burns on the stove and yet you want your food..unburnt! Plus it doesn’t help the situation if you are insensitive to other people’s feelings…
You are a womanizer – Every ass or set of boobs that passes by, you must have! You become all hungry eyed and you wag your tongue at any hot mass that passes by. Really? I mean which woman would want to be known as the woman with the boyfriend with super meandering eyes?
You are too negative- Your partner can never do good in your eyes. You are constantly putting them down because you are Mr./Miss Negativity – constantly complaining about everything and will never see anything good that anyone can ever do or your partner is never good enough…even if they became president you would still be like “if you ruled the world, then maybe I’d be impressed!”
You don’t have a romantic streak in you– You never make the effort to do anything romantic or out of the usual! Like an impromptu dinner, or buy impromptu gifts…you never spend quality time with your partner even if it’s just to sit down and cuddle and see a movie… Fine! there are men who don’t open car doors, or pull seats for their ladies, but who wouldn’t like to be spoilt once in a while? Even if it’s just a trip to Uhuru Park?
You are a Smother– Everyone needs their space. Their “me time”! So if you are constantly evading someone’s space by being in their face “too much” even if you’re doing something nice for them…try and resist the urge sometimes. Some distance apart helps. Nobody wants anyone who is constantly in their face.
You are into long distance relationships– Long distance relationships rarely work. There’s bound to be jealousy and then loneliness and then maybe cheating… If you must travel a lot, it would help to take your partner with you everywhere if their circumstances allowed. Just remember that when the distance creeps in, then loneliness creeps in and then comes the doom in your relationship!
You are never satisfied– Be it that you are never satisfied with one partner, or with anything you have then you are bound to rub your partner the wrong way which of course will bring problems.
You are lazy– Once upon a time some girl asked her best friend to accompany her to her boyfriend’s house which was ever so untidy. On seeing the messy state the house was in for the first time, the best friend got cleaning while her friend just sat as she is used to the mess…needless to say, the guy and the best friend lived happily ever after.
You are constantly moody – Sometimes moods cannot be helped but if you don’t really like the person you are with, chances are you will be even moodier than usual especially when they are there in your face throughout. It helps to be with someone you like. It’s a no brainer…
You are a workaholic– Your daily schedule always reads: work, work, work, work…to the point you never have time for your partner or he/she comes after work…that is unacceptable and for sure, you will be dumped! You may want to change your priorities, or strike a balance between your priorities.
You are violent – This one speaks for itself 😉
These are just some reasons I could come up with in a tick that are sure relationship deal breakers. I’m sure there are more.
As a “dumpee” it would help to be sure of the reasons as to why you are always dumped, so try and ask the “dumper” why they dumped you and keep it in your memory tab until the next dumping. The point being made here is that, if you are being dumped constantly for almost the same reasons, it is indeed time to change your game.
Most of the above mentioned issues come from being incompatible, so it would also help to find someone you are compatible with. Don’t just go for someone because you saw them and thought they were hot…