Susan Wong is the Editor of Capital Lifestyle, a resident photographer, an award-winning journalist, radio presenter, full-time adventurer, long-time admirer of anything edible, and a spicy food athlete at Capital FM.

  • Zombie Analytics

    Now, ladies and gentlemen, wouldn’t it be a thriller if my suspects (Uhuru and Ruto) commanded their tribal zombies to back Tuju? If Uhuru and Ruto said TOSHA, and the zombies they command all voted for Tuju – he might actually defeat the Molasses fellow. But without the backing of Uhuru and Ruto’s zombies, Tuju can’t even become a councillor in his own village because he lives in an area occupied by zombies who worship the Molasses man.

    • Tuffgongtx

      you talk of the mollasses man…. a cheap shot… what about the mungiki man? if its in your nature to have acronyms then mungiki presidential candidate would be appropriate and the chura in state house …u stupid idiot

      • Zombie Analytics

         guess you are on of the Molasses fellow’s zombies? The Mungiki man won’t be allowed to run. The thief – cum- warrior-commander might not be cleared to run either. R U still frothing at the mouth that i call the Molasses fellow by his right name?

    • Pratt

      I seem to agree on this one. But why would they say Tosha when the odds are that much? The molasses fellow will only be too happy to get an opponent that he can gleefully chase around in the village. Tuju has a golden top with a bottom clay. The molasses fela has overwhelming voodoo. Thats why he has over the years dismissed Tuju’s impressive development record as mere imposition and succeeded. No luo can credit Tuju with any development at all. Whatever wickedness this molasses tyrant spews becomes the naked truth. It amazing brilliant jaluos have had to leave their brains at home and let him think for them! We need alot of Migunas to liberate our lakeside folks from this obvious enslavement. How our good brilliant guys allowed themselves to be re-colonized by their own selifish village idol is hard to discern. A fellow from a nondescript university in former East Germany has become the thinking tool of once brainpower of East Africa?! There must be something terribly wrong. How do our lakeside folks expect a person who has failed to bring clouds in his slum constituency to bring rains in Nyanza? And since he became a do-nothing whatever, other communities have clearly noticed his emptiness and overbearing selfish feel of self-importance. All people are thanking God that he never won in 2007 and are not going to vote for him at all! Of course, his boss like approach to every issue has largely contributed to his increasing isolation. But wonders of wonders, our lakeside folks are still glued on him! I expect a good lot of them to commit suicide at the end of the year, once he is humiliated by another candidate. For close to 50 years, Odingas have reduced a once  flourishing community to mere election robots and without giving rewards for all that. But lets see what happens after their blindness is rudely awakened by shocking unexplained defeat.   

      • Zombie Analytics

        You generally make sense until you train all your guns on the Molasses bandit. If you want to shoot Molasses, you should shoot the Mungiki Boss, and General Ruto the Thief too. Then you go at length hitting at the Molasses fellows’ tribal zombies whilst saying nothing about the zombies from Central province, and those from Rift Valley. My brother, a tribal zombie is a tribal zombie. Geographical region of origin makes no difference. The central zombies hang to the Mungiki fellow’s every word and even believe that Mr Molasses has the power to influence the ICC! General Ruto (The Thief’)s zombies also belief that it is Molasses who took their thief to the Hague!  Now brother Pratt, tell me why you were selective in your zombie discussion. Might you be a semi-Zombie to one of the gods?

        • Pratt

          Obviously, the molasses creature has influence on ICC. One of his folks is a huge player there. Thats why whatever he has said has come to pass. Can you tell us why commanders of PEV are not in the picture? Do you know how 3&3, 1&1 and 2&2 came about? Mungiki in the matter is mere fiction. But our brothers from that area under-estimated the capacity of wickeds to make it stick. That was an enormous fatal mistake. I was actually surprised only after the cases were politically confirmed, is when we remembered those who attended the state house meeting. Someone needs to be dismissed and charged for failing to do his job. Why wait for this long? It only helps to confirm the suspicion! But you see, when you fail to understand what you are up against, this is the sort of things that come up. Someone hugely underrated the jang’o. Forgetting a fellow in the Hague loves women and even at one time, was accused of rape! So once we instructed our “pinup gal” to do whatever it takes to get our way, there was totally nothing to stop this famous  envelope from being thrown in the toilet and move on to “profitable rewarding” targets! However, you need to understand that brother Ruto is no thief at all, but only according to the wickeds. Misstep is no thievery pal. Thievery is examplified by Kazi Kwa Vijana funds. “Fueling government vehicles” and without any reason whatsoever, moving to “error and “non-issue” supported by fake docs from another “comfort gal” at world bank’s Nairobi office! Can you establish the truth about this if you are man enough Zombie? We know what we are saying man! 

  • Vicokwaro

    hmm, kenyatta and ruto at the launch, very seems they have a plan…waste of time though, Tuju has nothing to offer, dont be fooled…

    • Mr Vicokwaro, I respectifully beg to
      differ.. Tuju Has more to offer than these hooligans Kenyatta and Ruto
      combined.. The problem is we live in a Kenya
      that has been commandeered by ((to use Zombie
      Analytics words below)) “tribal zombies”. A lot of people have
      a tendency of voting for who they perceive as their tribal kings most of whom
      have nothing, absolutely nothing to offer the country and that has done nothing
      but deny our beloved Country the great leaders with a vision that it
      desperately needs.

      • Pratt

        Kenyatta and Ruto are not hoolgans, they are our leaders pal! Perhaps, you need to mind your language. Furthermore, why are you calling them as such, or is because of the politically engineered cases at ICC? They are yet to be tried my friend. Hooligans are well known in this country. Thats why everytime Tuju tries it in Nyanza, stones have to come raining. I cant remember any single time Kenyatta or Ruto ever instigated their fellows to do such things. However, we have come a long way pal. We have learned some of our guys say things meaning the opposite! Conman dictators, masqueranting as reformers, would easily call others anti-reformers and get that repeatedly splashed in the media in order to stick. Conmen would easily lie to have “fought for us” while they were actually rotting in prison for crimes well known to all. A fellow would just stand up and claim to have brought multi-party for us when he was actually nowhere near. A true opportunist would call others as such just to cook up some achievement for himself. A true watermelon, who wont allow us to move on without his tribal “Os”,  would quickly coin the word and plant it on others. He would then corrupt the media to parrot his rapant lies. These are the tributes of real hooligans who have luxury of protection and tribal support from the media. But things are quickly changing. The blinding effect of tribalists in the media is quickly taking a back seat. I  guess, thats why the quicksand these conmen have been standing on is quickly eating them up. 

        • Zombie Analytics

          you are an eloquent tribal zombie nkt. You might not believe me, but trust me on this – YOU have a BRAIN. Use it for God’s sake!!!! No man should be a tribal zombie from childhood to death. Set yourself FREE.

          • Pratt

            I dont get your point pal! You mean Zombies are merchants of deceit or some other conman? Why pretend to throw tribal tags to folks you dont know? I get amused by Zombies who offer very little, but ever quick to jump to conclusions that they can hardly discern.

  • Bround

    At least this man is running on a platform that outlines some of the things he would like to do to help Kenya. I would rather vote for someone who will be out to lead Kenya from a BEGGING country to an independent one.
    It is quite a shame that in this century some places like Nairobi cannot even maintain clean streets, there is trash all over the place etc. Quite disgusting!

  • Asembo

    The Zombie analyst, bring out points and exercise some maturity.You reasoning is very primitive. You remember the Lari MP ‘s vehicle was burnt and this can not be used to condemn all the kikuyus. There are people in Nyanza who like Mr Tuju and he has an opportunity now to sell himself. Wacha ku tukana watu. You are missing an opportunity to tell kenyan why Tuju is better than Uhuru, Ruto, Kalonzo and all those who wants the presidency. Raila is just one of them.

    • Zombie Analytics

      Tuju? What or who is (a) Tuju? I am throwing my hat in with our Manchurian candidate – one Mr Goldenberg Mudavadi.

  • Vickacky

    Serously..where does these politicians stands..Ruto,Uhuru? they hope from one place to another. for me they are more opportunistic than Kalonzo.maybe they are already dreaming of luring Tuju to their party to make him the flag bearer.Tujo dont allow Ruto and Uhuru to join you or influence you. i have read and listen to most of their on going political campain but they have nothing to sell aprt from stopping RAO. they only have cheap politics…u have already told us your vision…thats a great step to make bwana Tuju…u are far better then Uhuru and Ruto..

  • AishamTZ

    Wakenya mwapenda matusi sana

    • Zombie Analytics

      Aisha – lakini unaelewa tunapenda wa TZ? Hamna tribal zombies Dar au Moshi.  Yepi mapya Morogoro lakini?

    • Pratt

      There are alot of people who have wallowed neck-deep in mutusi to become do-nothing important people. I guess it pays here! Especially when your folks control the media to parrot your endless matusi and cover them with nice sounding words like “reform agenda” or a “reformer” with no record of reforming any shred of  a thing! Its astounding really and even at times, outrightly laughable.  But somehow it works pal!!!!

  • Mercy

    Your Points of Action well taken and hope my preferred presidential candidate will have the same and more to offer.

    But Tuju you are a NON – STARTER. You have a long way to go before you check into STATE HOUSE. Concentrate with your biashara’z

  • koirotwet

    And Tuju told off his buddies Ruto and Uhuru by criticising tribal chiefs, spoke about the plight of PEVs, Mwakwere even spoilt the party by declaring that he controls 5 million kenyans. Tuju has  started on a wrong foot by associtaing with Uhuru, Ruto, Sonko, Mwakwere, Eugenette etal  for that is the company to avoid if you really mean well for the sanitised politics of the kenyans future. Tuju s campaign remains a stillborn.

  • Zac

    take it on Raphael

  • Chief nzeh

    Hello, how are you doing? Am Chief Nze O, A Traditional witch doctor and
    herbalist from Nsuka Nigeria, am here in Kenya shortly and wish to
    inform you! Come for all kinds of political Powers, Braking family
    courses, busting business,
    promotions, love, marriage, casting out bad spirits,
    Demons attacks, sleepless night, good luck etc… We give you powers then you
    know things do exit in this world. come today and you will Never Ever
    complain again In ur life. we dn’t take anything frm u than [1] big
    bottle of Hot drink Another Name [spirit drink] [2] white candle, [2]
    uncooked Eggs,You do not need to pay money until you see its working for
    you then you can come for Appreciation
    Note..any spiritual material needed for your work that you will buy.
    Contact Chief Nze.O, 0722112899
    to hear from you.
    it shall be well with you

  • Chief nzeh

    your are free to contact me on 0722112899
    mail…[email protected]

You may also like...