by Debbie Harrower
Look, we know that there are plenty of ‘he-devils’ roaming around, breaking women’s hearts with their lies and cheating. Then there’s the other bunch, who might not lie and cheat but have a fear of commitment, or maybe just have annoying ways which don’t gel with us.
When it comes to relationship and dating ‘horror’ stories, we ALL have ‘the T-shirt’ – maybe even the whole collection (I think I fall into the ‘whole collection’ category).
Women can be just as faulty with their ways, and maybe, just like some men, they don’t even realize that their behavior is making their partners / potential partners head for the hills … sprinting!
Nobody is perfect. I think we’re all trying to do our best every day, and sometimes even your best is not good enough. We’re human. We’re going to fail (sometimes epically) at this amazing adventure of life and love. And, that’s okay. BUT …
If you’ve been single and dating for a while or if your relationships end before they’ve even really had a chance to start, and you’re the one who is consistently on the poo-end of the dumping stick, surely you have to realize that you are the common denominator? That there is something you are doing, some or other vibe that you are giving off that is making men ‘run’ in the opposite direction.
Expecting to be treated like a princess
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be treated well and with respect by the man you are dating. But, it needs to work both ways. You can’t have one giver and one taker in a relationship – not if you want the relationship to last.
A man wants a woman in his life, not a demanding spoilt brat who expects to be put on a pedestal, treated like a delicate flower and showered with attention and gifts all the time.
If a man picks up on a ‘princess vibe’ from you, alarm bells start ringing. Princess types are generally very hard to please and very expensive. He MIGHT stick around for a while – the players will play your game until they get you into bed and then they’ll be out of there. The normal / decent guys – you won’t get more than one or two dates out of them.
Are you the woman who’s ‘not bossy, she just knows what you should be doing’?
Not sure? Here’s what will make men feel that you’re a control freak …
*Rigid / does not like or deal well with spontaneity – basically someone who is not even remotely laid back
*Needy / possessive – wants to be with him all the time, calls and messages constantly and freaks out when he does not reply promptly
*Jealous – doesn’t want him looking at or even talking to other women. Immediately hates all his exes. A woman who thinks that couples should have a joint Facebook account. Doesn’t think boys / girls nights or bulls parties are good ideas. That kind of thing will not wash well with any normal man.
*My way or the highway attitude
Not over your ex
If you’re still stuck on your ex, either stop dating until you’re not, OR, at least stop talking about him when you’re on a date.
Would you like to be on a date with a guy who can’t stop bringing up his ex?
Imagine if he was saying things like:
‘Oh you drink rooibos tea too? So did my ex!’
‘Yes, I love exercising. My ex got me into it – she was a fitness model’
‘I’m so glad you like to eat, my ex was always watching her weight’
Gosh! I would be counting down the minutes until the date was over and I’d not see him again.
It’s normal for you both to want to know why the other person is currently single. But, you need to learn to give a simple answer and to leave it at that. He does not need details and he definitely does not want to hear about your ex all night.
It’s a huge put-off for anyone.
If you’re the type of woman who is ‘all about money’ and only cares about what a man does for a living, how much he earns, where he lives, what car he drives and what he can offer you, you’re not only going to scare men off, you’re also limiting yourself from finding true and real happiness.
Most men can sniff out a gold-digger from a mile away
A trendy Asian woman shopaholic with black dress, sunglasses and department store bags accepts money from her wealthy husband looking at camera.
There is already so much pressure on men to achieve and be super-successful. The last thing they want or need is a woman who will only be there, with them, when the the good times are rolling. Don’t be that woman.
Don’t turn your nose up at the men who are still climbing the ladder – the ones who are ambitious and trying really hard to make something of their life. They might not drive the best car or live in a beautiful home, but, they’ll get there. Wouldn’t you rather be the woman who was with and stood by her man and supported him while he was still trying?
The ‘I’ specialist
No, not an eye doctor that specializes in the medical and surgical care of the eyes – we’re talking about the woman who specializes in all thing relating to her. Her favorite subject is herself.
She’s so into herself that nearly all of her sentences start with ‘I’
This type of woman comes off (very obviously) as vain, self-centered and like very hard work.
I don’t think any woman in her right mind would want to be with a man who is self-centered, can’t stop talking about himself and expects everything to be about him all the time. So, it’s not difficult to understand why men are put off by women who act like this.
If you identify with one or more of these traits, here are a few tips:
Just because Mom and Dad treated you like their little princess, don’t expect men or anyone else to do the same. Get over yourself and grow up.
Stop ‘expecting’ material things from men. Expect loyalty, respect, trust and honesty. All the ‘extras’ – sort that out yourself. Whatever he gives you over and above what’s REALLY important is just an added bonus. It should not be what you are seeking.
Check your baggage at the ‘counter’ before every new date.
Don’t just offer to pay the bill occasionally, actually insist on it and do it.
Be conscious of your conversation – be sure to ask lots of questions. Be genuinely interested.
Learn to relax – there is no need to be on his case 24/7
Treat him well, cook him dinner – that kind of thing. Any woman who wants to be treated like a queen, had better be or learn to treat her man like a king.