3. Listen

Speaking of hugs being underrated, talking is also over-rated – listening is the new best thing.

Honestly, listening involves stopping our own thought processes and authentically being present with our partner, and truly hearing and taking in their experiences of both life and our relationship through life together. This is worthy of an article by itself.

Regardless, let’s all put on our listening ears.

4. Stay present

I’ve been with my husband since we were 14 years old. In other words, it’s easy to re-hash the past. Don’t.

Stay here.

Stay current.

Trust me, I’m horrible at this.

I have an elephant’s memory and a sensitive heart, and it’s taken me years and years- echo after me : years and years –  to learn, and repetitively understand, that while yesterday’s problem might still be today’s, it’s crucial to discuss what is happening now.

This is easier said than done, both externally and internally, so my suggestion (aside from professional help for recurring problems) is to:

5. Walk the hell away

Walk away.

When we cannot move mentally past a conflict or regroup ourselves for our best dialogue, then we need to walk away, cool down, internally reconfigure our feelings and then express them at another moment.

In short: Walk. The. Hell. Away.

So, in closing, parenthood is glorious.

My blunt delivery of the aforementioned facts, that life after a child’s birth is when a relationship’s true challenge begins, might not completely display this.

Because, let’s be real: Parenting is when a relationship becomes hard. This is good! (I’m being serious.) Why stick with the same person if we can’t progress together as individuals?

Parenthood will progress a relationship automatically past go. (You may or may not collect R200.)

For me, becoming a mother has been the most difficult and mundane job I’ve ever performed. This distinct dichotomy is precisely why it’s such a challenge. More, marrying this arduous work with the man who I chose to spend my life with is honestly the most difficult thing that I’ve ever attempted – and it’s also the most important.

I love my husband. Because of this, I equally think that sex should be prioritised.

It has to be squeezed in between children’s bedtimes and when you don’t feel like it; in between long days at work and long days at home.

These tips will help couples to still feel romantic after long days of childcare and work.

Life isn’t easy. Maybe yours is, but mine isn’t. My life is, however, glorious. Sometimes my eyes prick with tears from the beauty of watching my baby walk for the first time, or my husband talk to me about his job as a physicist or my oldest child write her letters all by herself.

It’s the little things in life that matter.

Talking, hugging, making love, listening – this is what we need to experience and enjoy with every ounce of our souls.

And sex? It’s huge. It’s important.

But it isn’t everything, or, more accurately – it doesn’t have to be.