(YOLISA QUNTA) About a year ago I decided that my efforts to find a husband – while my breasts are still relatively perky and my eggs still fertile – needed to be kicked up a notch. Which wasn’t much of a leap considering that my previous efforts had consisted merely of announcing the fact that I was looking and not much else.
I did try to do the vision board thing, but after drooling over pictures of Idris Elba for two hours -purely for research, of course – I got distracted by topless pictures of Tom Hardy holding a kitten and lost all focus.
Because those lobola cows weren’t magically going to find their way to my father’s homestead, I had to give cupid a helping hand.
So I boldly went where modern youth has gone before: the world of Internet dating.
I don’t consider my ego anywhere as big as Kanye West’s but I must confess there was a very small part of my inner self that still thought online dating was the last gasp of the desperate, the lunatic or both.
I asked one of my good friends (who was already dating online) to recommend a site and he suggested OkCupid. His reason being that it was the dating site intelligent people used.
So I did what any normal person would: spent half a day Googling “How to create a great Ok Cupid profile”.
My research paid off and I managed to create a profile that suggested I was sporty, ladylike, sophisticated and did not drink more white wine than was considered normal in certain civilizations
The responses were immediate and gratifying
I had messages flooding my inbox from delectable male specimens wanting to take me out for lunch, dinner, tapas or wine. They were choice pickings, too.
I went on dates with an investment banker, a nuclear physicist, a computer programmer and a marketing manager. Thus far no creeps or sexual deviants and I was having a blast.
Nothing massages one’s ego like daily declarations of adoration from across the planet. The only thing that left me puzzled was how nearly every man – after the basic greeting message – asked if I had whatsapp. Of course I did, but I was not going to give my number to countless men who just wanted to chat: I was here to date – not to make pen pals.
While I was still riding high on this wave, one of my other friends suggested I try Tinder.
Imagine a dating app on steroids: it’s immediate, on your phone and the man of your dreams is a swipe away.
Because your Tinder profile is linked to your Facebook profile, I created a second Facebook profile especially for it. The reason for this subterfuge was that my normal FB page is a liability as I am friends with my elderly aunts, distant relatives, primary school friends and a few exes… in other words, the last people I wanted to know about my romantic life.
I would definitely recommend online dating: it’s the most fun you can have online without your credit card
An alternate profile with alluring pictures was set up and I began swiping through the delectable array of men that popped up on my phone. I liked the immediate response of knowing if the attraction was mutual. It was also satisfying to pick men from a list, as if out shopping.
I would definitely recommend online dating: it’s the most fun you can have online without your credit card.