#SexAndTheCity : When he’s just not that into you!


The dating game is one exhausting game… especially when you’re in your 30s! But then again as much as the dating game can be a frustrating affair, it can offer one with the most interesting of times. Most women in their 30s will swear to you that men are complicated creatures. Some will swear that only those men you kind of like and those that don’t call you when they promise to are the most complicated lot.

In one episode of Sex and the City (which is my favorite show of all time), the girls try to decipher the messages men give. One of the girls meets a guy and they go out on a date. After the date, the guy walks her home and they share a passionate kiss. The girl (all hot and bothered at this point) asks the guy to come upstairs with her to which he declines saying he has an early morning meeting the next day. The guy then goes quiet on her. No calls, no texts, no fax message delivered by a pigeon, no nothing! It’s like he just fell off the surface of the earth.
After telling her story and laying out her frustrations on the table trying to figure out what could have gone wrong, the girls share their opinions (read excuses) to spare their friend’s feelings… Maybe he’s out of town. Maybe he lost your number. Maybe he’s playing hard to get. Maybe he will call tonight and so forth the excuses went. Then a guy seated with the girls, says “He hasn’t called you because he’s just not that into you.”

I learnt (the hard way) that it is very necessary to assess every situation with a new guy –but only in your head. That way it became easier for me to tell whether it was going to work out or not or whether I needed to run for the hills and avoid heartache. And it helped because from my assessments I got to learn that a guy who is into you will give anything to see you, to hear your voice, to hear you laugh and even to smell you. Even if he traveled to space the next morning after your date, he would find a way to get in touch. And if by any chance he got kidnapped and taken abroad five minutes after dropping you home, he would fight his abductors, get away, ask a stranger to let him use their phone just to let you know that he got abducted and found himself in Kuala Lumpur.

A woman will let you know immediately if you are not her type. She will tell you to your face and if that doesn’t work, she will not respond to your texts or pick your calls or bother returning your calls upon finding a missed call from you.

A man on the other hand would rather get trampled on by a jumbo elephant than tell you he is not into you which can make a woman go crazy. A man who is just not that into you will go MIA for no reason at all hoping against hopes that you never bump into each other. It is understandable that you might not like or hit it off with everyone. I mean, most people have a type and it is ok to have a type but surely, going MIA never solved anyone’s heartache problems.

Waiting by that phone as we worry ourselves thin or racking our brains trying to find out where we went wrong or if perhaps we have 45 teeth that we were not aware of and may have pushed you away is not a good look. It would be good to save us some heartache by letting us know that you are not into us. I mean, if Tupac can still “release” songs and he is dead, your battery dying is an excuse that just won’t cut it.

According to the book “He’s just not that into you” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo the following are listed as some of the signs a guy is just not into you.

He’s just not that into you if:

-He is not asking you outnotintoyou

-He is not calling you

-He is not dating you

-He’s not having sex with you anymore

-He’s having sex with someone else

-He only wants to see you when he’s drunk

-He doesn’t want to marry you

-He’s breaking up with you

-He has disappeared on you

-He is married (and other insane variation of being unavailable)

-He is a selfish jerk, a bully or a really big freak

Women are like “excuse machines”. We like to make excuses for men who behave badly to save face and this should not be the case because you can go crazy… literally!

If a guy you like takes ages to call you after your date or stops calling you after a while of “seeing each other,” delete his number (if you have it) and forget about him. He is not worth it. You would rather binge heavily on highly calorific starches after 8pm and worry about your waistline expanding. That way you have something worthwhile to worry about and not waste your pretty on somebody else who is clearly just not that into you.

So ladies, if he’s just not into you, he’s just not into you. Stop making excuses and live! The ball is in your court. Pick up from the messages the guy could be sending you… otherwise you might just be the one bringing the jumbo elephant to trample him for the heartache he has caused you.

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