#Dating101: If he’s not chasing, why are you investing?

black man

Most women have found themselves in this situation: Wasting time over men who were never really serious with them in the first place.

You’re getting to know a new man, he shows interest and you start chatting online. Chats become WhatsApp messages, then it moves onto texts, and before you know it, you start talking on the phone. Perhaps you go on a few dates. All seems well – not too fast, not too slow. You seem to be really connecting, things are fun and you begin to let down your guard. But then his interest tapers off, and he starts to contact you at random intervals. What’s the deal?

You’re left analyzing his behaviour with your close girlfriends. You become more invested and it really baffles you why he’s not showing any signs of interest or effort.

According to Stephen Hussey of GetTheGuy, men who string women along tend to be those who need a lot of sexual validation. “He may not be interested in any kind of serious relationship, but he wants to boost his self-esteem by reminding himself that women are attracted to him sexually. Hence he goes, dates and sends flirty texts even when he has no desire for things to move forward,” Hussey shares on his blog. Basically, he’s dropping you crumbs, but doesn’t have the balls or the honour to put you out of your misery.

Know the difference between him playing and him chasing

Here are 5 signs to know if he’s chasing you:
• He gets back to your texts and calls in good time (i.e. he doesn’t wait for a week or more before texting out of the blue).
• He suggests meeting up and actively tries to schedule a date.
• When he meets you, he expresses a desire to do real dates, rather than just hanging out at his place.
• He wants to get to know you rather than just sleep with you.
• He doesn’t express a desire to be single (i.e. if he keeps saying he doesn’t want a girlfriend, take him at his word).

At the end of the day, whatever is going on his life is totally out of your control. React accordingly to his behaviour and just enjoy the moment. If he shows signs of investing in you, then you can invest in him. If someone wants to be in your life, they will make sure that they are.

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