Dating 101: Those guys are fighting over you


It may seem like the innocent conversations going on between you and two guys is just that, innocent, this isn’t always the case however and there are some definite tell tale signs that tension is bubbling just below the surface. Why is there this strange and terrible exchange of glares between the two men? You of course, congratulations, you have just become objectified by two ugly brutish men competing over you.

How to Tell

First, but perhaps the most subtle will be the lack of communication between the two. Be forewarned, this might make you question some friendships in your life.

A guy who only wants you for one “thing” is bound to give minimal eye contact, let alone conversational space to the other guy you have been talking to. Look for a slight shift in angles, excluding a third party from the conversation. This will lead to silence and awkwardness that you may have not been previously (until reading this) that you previously couldn’t explain.

Now, as sure as you’re born, when one guy leaves the conversation, blatancy will wander its happy way into it. This will be the time for slightly off colour jokes, mild flirtations and a comment about how he thinks you are by far the most talented young lady in the room. Watch the laden compliments diminish slightly but now continue, emboldened, as the unfortunate third guy comes back into the talk.

Finally will come the snippy and snide comments. Men are fabulous at these; they just are more subtle about it than women. Don’t be fooled, all men can be incredibly snarky, especially when it comes time to undermine someone who they believe to be a threat. It won’t be obvious, but when the extra guy is turned away on the something will surface along the lines of, “Wow, John sure is drinking a lot!” This is a baited statement, designed to get a young lady to look with more scrutiny at the poor sap holding a beer in his hand (truly only his third of the evening).

Now You Know

Refreshing, isn’t it?  All those strange and mysterious nights out explained, a large mystery to social dynamics now fitting comfortably into your handbag. This is quite a little nugget of knowledge, ladies, use it wisely. Unfortunately, knowing these conversational ticks can be a bit of a Pandora’s Box: once you know, there is truly no going back. Try not to over analyze every social setting you find yourself in (good luck).



Alex Roberts is a journalist, all out writing addict and part time party-goer.  He’s been running up and down Nairobi for years getting a taste for just about anything in this town and keeps strangely finding new things about it.

My email that people can harass and harangue me at is

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