Why you need to stop being needy and desperate

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Are you one of those needy, insecure women?

In case you are not sure whether or not you fall into the needy/insecure category, here is a list of 10 comments and questions that are likely to come from an insecure woman:

1.Who just called? You were on the phone for so long.

2.Are you sure you still love me?

3.Where are you going, who will you be with and what time will you be home – are you sure I can’t come with you?

4.You’ve been texting on your phone for ages, who are you chatting to, you have a smile on your face? Let me check, I want to see – give me your phone!

5.I saw you checking that woman out. I don’t appreciate you ogling other women. Am I not enough for you?

6.I don’t understand why you need a ‘boys’ night’. I don’t have ‘ladies nights’!? Why can’t you just stay at home with me? Or we can go out, just the two of us.

7.If you go to that bachelors party, I am going to start having serious doubts about this relationship.

8.Who is Ava Rosenthal and how do you know her? I saw her name included on that email you sent out earlier?

9.Why are you still friends with your ex and her family on Facebook?

10.You can go, but I will come fetch you at 10pm.

If you are in a relationship, and drilling your partner with comments like these, then you are definitely annoying him to the max.

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Insecurity breeds destructive behaviour

Normally the ladies who suffer from major insecurities, are the ones with low self-esteem, or they have been cheated on. Sometimes, it is a mix of both and then it’s a BIG problem. Because these things can make a woman think and act on a completely faulty / irrational level.

For example, if you have a mini-meltdown or epic proportion freak-out every time your man wants to go out with his friends – the ONLY issue here, is your fear.

Fear of him going out and meeting someone prettier, taller, thinner or funnier than you. You think he will cheat on you like your ex did.

Remember this: You CANNOT control your partner. You CANNOT control what he may or may not do. You are NOT his personal police officer. You are NOT his mother.

You will make yourself sick trying to do all that. You can only control yourself and the way you handle situations.

And, you can either do it like a woman who is in control (fake it, till you make it!) of herself and her emotions, or you can scare the sh*t out of everyone, and drive your man far, far away and into the arms of another woman.

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What about the needy single ladies? Read on…

There are loads of women who are very comfortable with their single status and are quite happy to wait for the right man to come along – they are not fazed if that happens at 25, 35 or even 45. More power to them!

BUT, on the flip side of that coin, you will find the women who cannot wait to shake off their singleness. Especially when they are in their late 20s and 30s. The biological clock is ticking, all their friends are getting married, and they just can’t meet anyone decent.

Believe it or not, if you are feeling this way, you could, involuntarily be giving off extremely desperate and needy vibes. And, most men pick up on that within a few minutes of chatting to you.

So, how can you get a grip on all these needy, insecure and desperate vibes?

It’s not just how you handle yourself when you’re around him, how you think and act when you are alone counts too. You need to take control of your obsessive thoughts and actions.

Here is how…

For the ladies in a relationship:

Unless a man has given you reason to doubt him (in which case you should not still be in the relationship by the way!), then please, please, PLEASE – give the man a break!

Don’t question his every move.

Don’t call or text him every hour on the hour when he goes out.

Let him go out with his friends. Tell him to have fun and mean it!

Stop stalking his Facebook page / snooping on his phone or computer.

Stop being jealous of every girl he mentions. Just stop being weird about other women. There will ALWAYS be someone better than you. You have to trust him. You also have to trust that if he does do something wrong, you will be fine. You will move on, and everything will be ok. You cannot enjoy a person or your relationship with that person if you do not trust them.

Constantly remind yourself of your worth. If you don’t know it, work on that! It’s VITAL – believe me.

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For all the single ladies on the dating circuit:

Firstly, shift your focus. Stop stressing about being single and start working on being ‘fabulously single’. How? Focus on yourself. Get into shape, find a cool hobby, take yourself on holiday. Be happy and fall in love with yourself and your life. When you are in a happy place in your life, you are more likely to attract someone (the right someone) into your world.

You don’t need to play games, but you need to know (I know you already do) that men like a challenge. They like to feel like they ‘won’ you over. So, if you have plans when he calls and wants to see you, don’t drop everything to be with him. You had plans with your friends, so stick to that and suggest seeing him the next day / night.

So, you’ve been seeing him for a few weeks and now you find yourself sleeping over at his place – for the first time. PLEASE, whatever you do, leave asap the following morning. Have a cup of coffee and go – don’t stick around for hours on end and try and make plans for the rest of the weekend. Surely you have a life of your own? He needs to see that. If he wants to see you again, he will make plans to do so. Leave it with him.

Don’t drown him in texts throughout the day. This stinks of desperation.

You DO NOT ask a man who comes over to chat to you in a club or bar, if he sees himself getting married and having children in the future. That conversation might need to happen at some stage, yes, but NOT on the first night.

Every time you feel a ‘needy attack’ coming on ask yourself: What would a cool, confident woman do in this situation?

By Debbie Harrower

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