Sex Strikes won’t solve the problem!


It is a crime in the laws of love to deny your spouse sex in order to prove a point. Unless you have both agreed for a period of stated days to stay without sex because you are fasting over a matter or because of health reasons, it is wrong not to give your spouse his/her conjugal rights. Sex should never be used as a weapon.

Women who want to hit their men below the belt by denying him sex are on the wrong. Maendeleo Ya Wanaume’s call for men to deny their wives sex to show solidarity with the men who are battered by their wives is equally wrong. How can you tell a husband who has no issues with his wife to punish and deny sex to his wife because another man has marital problems? Why bring friction in marriages that have no problems in order to highlight (not even solve) the problems in another marriage? How plausible is this? How do you rate the effectiveness of this “solution”? Will there be a list circulating around the nation like that of the Okoa Kenya Referendum drive for men who boycotted sex to fill? Is this even a solution?

Sex is the heartbeat and thermometer of a marriage. It is the epicenter of intimacy. Through it some problems between she and him are ironed out, it makes communication easier, it reminds him and her they are in this union to make it work; it must not be toyed with. Sex is also like the negotiating table, the two must always approach it without preconditions. Boycotting sex is like Iran and USA refusing to come to the negotiating table yet expecting solutions to be found. The two can argue, they can go quiet at each other, give defensive looks but the idea of sex being toyed with should never be entertained.

The advocated sex strike is to protest against angry wives beating their husbands. But for a woman to be angry, the man must have offended; for the man to offend, the woman must have shown spite; for the woman to show spite, the man must have failed to command his home and earn her respect. The question is, what is the root cause? A woman doesn’t just beat up a husband she married. Some of these husbands get beaten up because they are irresponsible, drunkards, cheats, are unfaithful or loud mouths who find a woman more daring than them. Some of the husbands happen to not be on the wrong but lost their lead as man of the home and so their over-powering woman will dominate with her wrath founded on misunderstandings. Boycotting sex or beating up the husband doesn’t solve the problem; only reason, dialogue, understanding and sometimes counseling will. Maendeleo Ya Wanaume should not focus on the symptom but the real issue.

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Sadly, Maendeleo Ya Wanaume only makes it to the news when there are incidents of husband battery and when they call for a sex strike to react to those battery incidents. Perhaps calling for a sex strike is sensational and creates a buzz on the news and so they call it to stay relevant and appear to earn their salary’s worth.

Maendeleo in Swahili means progress. Shouldn’t Maendeleo Ya Wanaume be coming up with programs to progress men as pillars of society? Shouldn’t they be mentoring the boy child to become a responsible man, highlighting the men in society worthy of emulation, teaching family values to males, shunning bad men’s behaviour, telling men not to get drunk at the expense of their families, denouncing the stripping naked of women in the streets, denouncing the raping of women and weak grand mothers, having man talk sessions, telling men that circumcision of the penis or no circumcision doesn’t define the greatness of a man, teaching men how to be better fathers, speaking up against men who disown their children? Does Maendeleo Ya Wanaume have the balls to address the real issues of men and the vision to shape better men? Progressive men lead to progressive marriages, progressive families and a progressive Kenya.

Shouldn’t Maendeleo Ya Wanaume team up with Maendeleo Ya Wanawake more to nurture families and cohesion of the sexes instead of a battle of the sexes? If only men and women learnt to love and respect each other in marriages, at the work place, in the streets, on social media, in our conversations. Maendeleo Ya Sisi Sote!

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