What’s going on in a man’s mind when he says he needs “space”?
So he needs space, is that code for “it’s over?”
Perhaps it’s simply a hot-and-cold act: when you give him space he comes back, and when you get to close, he goes and finds his space. This behavior can be frustrating. What’s going on in his head? What should I do? Should you even put up with this kind of behaviour?
Here are 3 things you should consider when you come across the dreaded “space” issue:
YOU WERE NOT CLEAR
What went wrong here is that you failed to make clear what was acceptable behavior early on. In fact, by allowing your guy to stick around for as long as you did, you showed him just how much he could get away with.
Don’t blame anyone else but yourself.
Men will adhere to the parameters that you set.
According to relationship expert Matthew Hussey, “When men first get involved with a woman, they are constantly testing and finding out how much they can get away with. That means it’s entirely up to you to show them where the boundaries are.”
It’s the same thing with men and their mothers. If a guy’s mother showers him with love and affection, and doesn’t ask anything in return, this is the dynamic the mother will set up for the rest of their relationship. Then the mother wonders why her useless son never helps out around the house or surprises her with gifts. It is because he knows what he can get away with.
You’ve allowed him to completely call the shots in your relationship; you let him choose whether it was on or off, and always allowed him to come back in when he wanted you back.
So very early on he learned that your boundaries could easily be compromised, without him having to actually go to the trouble of changing his indecisive ways when it came to commitment.
He’s learned that he can get away with it.
HOW TO FIX THIS
Hussey recommends putting distance between the two of you, “You have to make him feel that if he wants all the fun of being with you, he’ll have to commit fully.”
You don’t have to get all angry and pissed-off with this. Gradually back off from him and make sure that you are very sparing with how much time you give him. An interesting tip from Hussey is to ensure that the short times you spend together are incredible, and have as much fun as possible. That way he sees that if he wants to have that amazing time with you and be a significant part of your life he will have to commit more.
By not giving him much time, you show that you’re not willing to emotionally invest in someone who is only messing around with you. How your react to his behavior will guide how he defines his relationship with you. So start early!