When it comes to sex, most guys aren’t clueless. In fact, some are experts/national treasures who should teach lessons. But they don’t all always get it right, and sometimes, that’s just because of a simple misunderstanding.

For instance, most guys know that finishing too quickly isn’t optimal. But according to Swiss research, the real problem most women have with premature ejaculation isn’t that the actual intercourse doesn’t last very long. It’s that men get so focused on delaying their orgasm that they ignore women’s other needs like kissing, caressing, and other stimulation that’s just as important for women to have satisfying sex. Sure, guys, we want sex to last longer than two minutes. But what good is it if he stretches it out to 15 minutes of the kind of sex where his eyes are glazed over as he clearly recites baseball statistics to distract himself and basically forgets you’re even there? (Yeah, dudes, we can tell when you do that.)

Besides dealing with the timing, here are a few other things we think could clear up a lot of problems during sex if guys would pay attention to them…

Confidence =/= Aggression. Guys are told over and over to be confident, and that’s good advice. But sometimes it seems like they equate confidence with force. A guy who confidently goes in for the kiss is good, but a guy who’s too pushy is never, ever OK. Plus, even when you want him to touch you, hardly any woman I know appreciates a tongue jammed down her throat or a too-tight embrace. Ease up, dudes.

Not every girl likes the same things. We’re all different, but some guys find a move that works for one girl and then stick with it for the next five, despite the fact that those girls clearly aren’t into it.

Follow her lead. We know, we know, it’s confusing when we don’t all like the same things. But guys would find it much easier to figure out the next girl if they’d just pay attention to her own actions. If she’s doing it, she probably would like you to do it as well. If she’s pulling away for more than just catching a breath, she doesn’t like it. Don’t do it again.

It’s more about passion than technical skill. Some guys are technically good at sex, sure. We’re grateful for that. But the best guys in bed aren’t always the ones who seemed like they’ve had a ton of practice. More often, it’s the ones who seem like they really want to be there, in that moment, with you specifically. Guys, it makes all the difference in the world.

What do you wish more guys would or wouldn’t do during sex?

 

 

 

 

Article by Gena Kaufman of Glamour magazine