We spend a couple of decades sleeping alone before we find ourselves lying next to someone. There’s something so private and intimate about sleeping. And not all of us are ready to sleep with others after having sex.

Many men would argue that women can’t tell the difference between sex and intimacy since it seems that emotions always get the best of them. Ladies, just because you’ve been allowed to stay over after a night of romping, don’t assume your male interest is being intimate with you. Sometimes it could just mean it was logistically convenient for round two in the morning. Did you ever think about that?

Sleep is a deeply personal act. When we fall asleep, we’re overcome by peace and drift into a child-like vulnerable state. We fall into deep sleep cycles and our muscles relax into defenseless postures. Sleeping next to someone else, a person that you’ve only had a few dates with, a stranger at most, is completely different. It can be nice sometimes to wake up to someone else’s bed-ridden hair and naked skin, but it can also be weird if you’re not ready.

Although we generally sleep more deeply when alone, we prefer to sleep with a partner. No one wants to be alone. Many assume spending the night together after sex, is a normal, mandatory thing. Don’t be surprised if you get asked to leave after sex, or your partner tells you he or she has an early morning or will call a cab for you.

Let’s face it, after an orgasm, most people have one of two reactions: fall asleep immediately from fatigue or become even more hyperactive. According to researchers at the Kinsey Institute, men are more likely to hit the pillow while women become more energized. Sleeping right after sex provides an evolutionary benefit to men: it shuts down the opportunity for a commitment conversation and increases their chances of reproducing with other mates, argues Debra Herbenick, a sexual health educator.

Ladies, sometimes sleeping on someone’s shoulder is romantic, but the truth is it can also give you some neck pain. So unless you’re ready and willing to put up with the potential snoring, pillow-stealing, sweaty hands and lack of rest; don’t jump into it until you’ve found the right person where you’ll actually want to sleep touching them, even though you truthfully sleep better alone.