How do you pick up the pieces?
How do you move on from a broken relationship?…I’ve asked myself that question ever since my first boyfriend broke my little innocent heart way back when I was a naïve little girl-I was shattered! That naïve little girl grew up asking the same question right after she broke up with her currently ‘mature’ boyfriend. How do you really get the strength to pick up the pieces and move on from something that you thought so beautiful to be indestructible? Let us try and get the first answer to that.
I think this is the hardest and most emotionally drenching phase we have to confront. Here you thought that you finally found ‘the one’, only for your dreams to be painfully shattered. It’s mostly unfortunate for those of us who have been in steady relationships and were almost heading in the direction of marriage or worse were already in it. Sit down and try to have a mature conversation with yourself. Pretty absurd, but it actually works and it’s the most rewarding therapy ever. Intrapersonal communication is the best way to come to terms with reality, it helps you search yourself. When you accept that the relationship is over (to yourself) being the key word here, you will make it easier to move on.
Don’t play ‘Mr. fix it’
Most of us, after going through a series of confusing emotions after a major break-up, think that we can come up with a solution to whatever happened. So you rush into stuff and make everything worse than it was before (I will not go into the messages and psycho calls you make to your ex). When it doesn’t work out, you start blaming yourself for something that was obviously not under your control. We cannot be masters over everything, especially concerning matters related to the heart. So stop fixing it and start living it. Remember that everything happens for a reason, as cliché as it may sound, and just sitting back and taking it all in will really help you see the other side of the coin.
Deviate from the past
Yep! don’t give me that look…it never helped anyone living with your head in the clouds hoping that some day your ex will come back with a face full of remorse and dramatically beg for your forgiveness. Well for some damn reason it happens to one in ten of us, and no you are not that one. Cheer up though, because the moment you stop thinking that such a thing will happen you will be actually be on the road to recovery. Getting rid of any memories that remind you of the hurt isn’t such a bad idea. You don’t have to completely wipe out your brain of the person; I call it ‘selective amnesia’. You just avoid living in the past; always looking over your shoulder hoping that one day things will be back to the same old, because the sad thing is that they usually don’t. It even makes it harder for a new and better relationship to blossom and this may lead to strain. If it means burning the love letters or putting away stuff that reminds you of the good old days so be it. After all, it will be a small price to pay for
Try and move on
So the idiot didn’t actually come back. That’s ok because it is actually their loss. If you want to have something precious you have to go out there and look for it. My point being that nothing good comes easy, you don’t just sit there feeling sorry for yourself. Learn from your past relationships instead of letting them break you down. The hurt and the tears should serve to make you a stronger person and giving someone else a chance to make you happy will be a gift to yourself. Look for qualities in them that you admire and respect and do not go for the same kind of ‘replica’ that your ex was. The most encouraging thing in a break up is proving that you learnt from previous mistakes and you are willing to give yourself another shot in happiness. Remember that life is too short to waste on sulking around.