The stages of dating


My friend recently broke up with her boyfriend and I am so sad for her. Not because he was a good man-(far from it! In fact we’re all celebrating) but because she has to start in the dating scene all over again.

Most people don’t understand this but I find dating hard work! So much so that I shudder at the thought of starting the whole dating process thing.

So the stages of dating…

You meet a guy. You like him. Maybe he doesn’t like you back, but you luck out and he likes you, and so he asks for your number and you give it to him. All this time you’re containing the little girl in you from jumping up and down with excitement.

You go home and wait for the first call. The beast of a man waits two whole days before he calls. 48 hours and still not a word from him, and when he does call you’re half mad and half dancing that he finally called. All he wants is to say hi and he does not ask you out for dinner or coffee!! The nerve!

He calls again this time to ask you out but there’s a problem. He’s called on a Friday and he wants to go out in a few hours time. Do you say yes or no? I mean all the dating gurus say you should not let it look like you’ve kept your calendar free hoping he’ll call you but on the other hand, the only other plans you have are to go home and stare at your cat and watch Gilmore Girls…

So you decide on the wise advice and you tell him you’ll have to take a raincheck. Immediately he hangs up you’re distressed and call yourself all kinds of fools but you cannot call him back without looking crazy, so you let it go but the man on the other hand now knows he has to up his game.

The next time he calls in good time, and this time the date is planned. The D(ate) day finally comes and you’re a nervous wreck… what to wear… something sexy without being slutty and making it look like you’re trying too hard! Finally you find the dress and leave for the date.

Arrive at the restaurant and reality hits you; he’s not as handsome as you remember or maybe just maybe if you’re lucky he is even more handsome  so you sit down to dinner (side note: I hate Lunch dates) and it’s time to order. You look at the menu looking for something that will not be messy or hard to eat and will not leave you with bad breath or require you to use your fingers and at the same time not too expensive.

The conversation is also tricky. What are the right questions to ask without being too nosy? Make sure to laugh at all his jokes even the not-so-funny ones, check on your posture, don’t talk with your mouth full. Finally the first date is done and its time to go home. He drops you off at home and leaves with a casual wave.

You go home and replay the details of the evening all through the night to the point you can hardly sleep! The next day at a decent time you text/call to thank the dude for dinner and make small talk for some time and then hung up promising to meet up again.

Second date comes. This is the date where you’re supposed to share your first kiss and most probably the date that will decide if you will be together for long! So this time you go for a movie… he chooses an action packed movie; you hate Action but you have to live through it as it’s a date and you can’t see different movies after all.

You’re bored out of your weave and when it’s finally over you head out for a drink. He’s not half bad and you see him as a man you could possibly spend forever with. He drops you off again and this time he leans in and kisses you…on the cheek!!

Two weeks later and no third date! What did you do wrong? Do you call him at the risk of seeming desperate? DATING_DATE_697500628.jpgYou replay the second date over and over again but all went well, at least in your opinion and then your phone rings and it’s him! You talk and hold all your joy inside to explode when you’re alone. You agree to meet the next day for dinner.

…Let’s skip to the last part when you finally kiss! He’s good he’s really good and you feel your toes curling, your hair standing on end and like the world has come to a standstill. Then he says goodnight.

The first time you have sex is not easy either… you’re a nervous wreck! You nick yourself while shaving, you buy new undies (matching of course), you worry that you will be disappointed or that he will be disappointed and you worry about the morning after… Have you already DTR (Defined the relationship?)

Life is very hard… The morning after comes with its own challenges. When is the right time to leave? Do you leave before he wakes? (a very good idea if he was not all you thought). Do you wait for him to wake up? Do you make him breakfast? Do you say thank you?

Please note if at any of these stages something should go wrong you’re back to square one…

Dating sucks! but if it works out then its fun. If one ever finds themselves in my position thinking of the hustles of dating then be prepared to be an old maid cos you will never date! Thank God I don’t plan on dating soon.

I wonder if men go through the same?






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